A Werewolf, A Vampire, and A Fae Walk Into A Bar (Book 1 of The Last Witch Series)

Lying in bed, Rain asleep in her crib in the corner, I slowly come to. I can't have slept much, my body and brain ache for rest... but it's impossible to ignore the conversation going on right outside my bedroom.

I still don't have a concrete idea of who or what - Darius, Zev, and Rune are, but I know they are different. Not just in the obvious ways, like being grossly good-looking and able to help a first-time mother safely deliver a baby on the floor of her bar, but in larger, more cataclysmic ways.

For starters, they're not from America. If I had enough to drink, I'd very quickly tell you they aren't from Earth, but my brain still isn't ready to make that leap. Nevertheless, they talk of places I've never heard of before and know things they should have no way of knowing. And while those particulars could be explained with a little con artistry, other things seem... magical.

It takes a lot of effort to get past my cynicism. On more than one occasion I've made a magician cry by yelling "bullshit!" until he or she pulled back the curtain to show me how the trick worked. Mysterious men, hot as they may be, don't immediately have me believing in the paranormal.

And yet, things just seem... otherworldly. Everything from the timing of their arrival to the ways they dress, talk, and move makes me feel like these men can't be explained using traditional terms and ideas.

I nodded off a lot during birthing classes because I didn't think I was learning anything, but I'm starting to wonder if I slept through the part where they tell you that the pain of labor causes the most vivid hallucinations imaginable. Though, if that were the case, wouldn't other women be talking about how they thought their doctors and nurses morphed into exceedingly sexy strangers?

These thoughts are keeping me awake, as well as the conversation my possibly hallucinated companions are having.

"Of course we can't arrange a deal, Darius," Zev says in a hushed tone. "We all want the child for the same reason. What are you prepared to offer that's equal in value to being eternally allied with the Fates and saving your people from extinction?"

"I haven't thought that far, friend," Darius responds. It's getting easier to distinguish their voices, and I'm still solidly pretending I'm asleep.

Growing up above a bar with very little privacy in our tiny two-room apartment, I learned the best way to get information the grown-ups didn't want you to have was to fake sleep. I'm a pro.

"There must be something in the prophecy to use as a guide," Rune says. "An impartial detail to determine who is the rightful courier."

"Don't be foolish." The condescension in his tone lets me know this is Darius. "The entire point of the prophecy is that this last step is undecided. We, in this room, are the final sentence of the scroll."

"Our version wasn't written, only spoken amongst elders and royals." Zev speaks with a tone that's calm, sophisticated, and gruff. His voice alone gives me goosebumps.

"You relied on an oral translation of the Fate's declaration?" Darius says snidely.

"Got me here at the same time as you, friend."

I know I need sleep, but I can't stop listening, and I don't want them to stop talking. Also, for three beings who may or may not have superpowers, they are doing a crap job at noticing how loud they are and how nearby I am. Or maybe they just recognize that I'm vulnerable and powerless and they don't really care what I hear.

I shift slightly on account of the ever-present throbbing throughout my body, and the movement immediately shushes the conversation. This is as good a time as any to join in on the Sexies' little pow wow. "What are you three talking about?"

There's a beat of silence, then the Sexies slowly shuffle into my doorway, looking like teens caught coming home after curfew. Look at me, only a few hours into motherhood and already commanding respect. "You should keep resting, Bern-"

"Neeee," I jump in, knowing Zev is about to go with the full name. I've hated it since I was a kid and I'm not about to change my tune. Zev can deliver as many of my babies as he pleases, we're still not going full Bernadette.

"Yeah, I know I need rest. Thing is, there are three guys in my house that I don't remember asking to stay, and it's making it a little hard to sleep."

"We're only keeping an eye on you and the baby... Bern-E." I applaud Darius for the awkward attempt, even if his face looks ridiculous while he tries to make an E sound.

"Your health and safety is our chief concern," Rune picks up where Darius left off. "We can assure you of that."

Whether it's the constant chatter or it's actually feeding time, Rain starts to fuss. I'm sure she's hungry, but I'll use this as an opportunity to shame my trio of midwives.

"Well, you seem to be overlooking the importance of the baby sleeping, so maybe you can take the conversation to the living room while I feed her?"

I may have scored a small victory here, as the three turn to leave. Each moves differently, yet all possess the same silent grace that makes them so hard to look away from. A growing cry from my baby finally breaks my trance and I shuffle over to her. Walking doesn't hurt the way I'd expect it to, and I take a moment to examine my nether regions. Jesus, Mary and Joseph... which one of them stitched me up? And when? Maybe that happened while I was first holding Rain, but you'd think I'd remember a hulking man running a needle and thread through my... you know. Again, I push thoughts of my visitors aside as my gaze lands on Rain.

She was perfect the first time I saw her and she's somehow even more incredible now, all swaddled up and clean. She's so beautiful in her little crib, more precious than I ever could have imagined.

"Come here, sweet little peanut. Momma's got you."

Her cries taper off as I pick her up and move her to my breast. I'm still scared of feeding, no real idea if I'm doing it right and no real advisor other than some of the wives of my drunken regulars. Still, she looks like she's eating, so I'll keep doing what I'm doing.Content held by NôvelDrama.Org.

I ease into the rocker by the crib, going as slowly as possible because I'm still a little suspect of the stitch job downstairs. Just as I lean my back into the chair, three figures careen through the room, moving at a pace that makes them a literal blur.

In my state, I can't confidently describe what happens, but I'll swear on my mother's grave it didn't involve humans. Rune comes into the room first, but he doesn't enter, he appears. Like, out of thin air.

Before my brain processes that, a shadow travels along the ceiling, though nothing's there to cast it. The shadow is flying solo, and I know that's not how shadows work.

Just as this dark enigma is landing by my side, Zev explodes next to me. Explode doesn't sound right, but neither does the manner in which he arrives, because all I see out of the corner of my eye is a mix of fur and legs and face.

As fast as the dizzying movement starts, it ends, and now the guests I kicked out of my room thirty seconds ago are back.