Beneath the Surface

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“Mom can we move again?”

I turn away from the kitchen sink where I’m washing the dinner dishes to see both boys standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “No baby, we have to stay here at least until the bad man is caught. Maybe then we can go back home, but until he’s caught we are staying right here. Why?”

Jason looks down at his feet, “that mean guy next door scares us.”

“Oh honey,” I dry my hands off and sit in one of the four chairs at the small table we put in the corner of the kitchen, and motion for them to sit as well. “Even if we moved somewhere else we would still have neighbors. I don’t think it’s that this man in particular scares you as much as all men scare you right now. And I understand that, sweetheart, I really do. Men kind of scare me right now too.”

Both of their head tilt and they both have the exact same expression of disbelief on their faces, “really?” they say in unison, “but you’re not scared of anything.” Justin argues.

“Let me tell y’all a secret. Even adults get scared sometimes.” I laugh at the look they both give me. “It’s true. I’m kind of scared of men right now too but we will all get better. One day none of us will be scared just because there is a man around. We just have to keep trying and try not to be so scared, and one day we won’t even have to try anymore. The fear won’t be there.”

They both look down at their hands on the table as they think about what I said. Jason peeks up at me through his lashes, “But this man is mean.”

I sigh, “I don’t think he’s actually mean. I think maybe he’s just not used to having neighbors. Now he has two loud, crazy, active little boys next door and it’s going to take him time to get used to it. Does that make sense?” They both nod their heads, “now what happened since this morning that made y’all want to move again?”

Justin answers, “Nothing really, we were playing football outside, and him and one of those guys from yesterday were sitting outside and he tried to talk to us. It just scared us because we don’t know him and it’s the first time he’s talked to us without being mad so we ran inside.”

“Did you say anything back to him?”

“No ma’am,” they answer together.

“Well that was rude. Next time he tries to talk to y’all, answer him, and maybe when you talk to him a few times you won’t be so scared of him anymore.”

“Yes ma’am!” they get up and run upstairs.

“Yall get ready for bed! I’ll be up in a few minutes to tell y’all goodnight.”

Later that night I lay in my bed unable to sleep. I don’t feel as safe anymore without Maddie and Mason here with us. I cried when they left this morning, but only after they were gone. I never would have cried in front of them. They would have stayed if I had, and I can’t let them put their lives on hold because I have a crazy stalker. I don’t know how long he’s been stalking me, but I remember noticing weird things for years. Feeling like I was being watched, things moved around in my house when I was sure I had put it somewhere else, Keys going missing, doors unlocked when I thought I had locked them. I never paid it much attention, I just thought I was being absent minded and forgetting where I put things or forgetting to lock the door.

Then six years ago my parents were killed in a car accident. Their brake line was cut and they were on a curvy road at night on their way to my house. My father had called to see if I was home and said they were coming over. They wanted to see the boys and my dad said he had something to talk to me about. The car went off the road and hit a tree. They were both killed instantly. The next morning I walked outside to find a vase of red carnations on my front porch. I still didn’t think much of it, maybe a friend heard what happened last night and didn’t want to bother me. Every year after that on the anniversary of my parent’s death I found a vase of red carnations on my porch. After the first couple years, I started realizing it was strange, but I still didn’t tell anyone about it. Until last year when on the anniversary of their death, I woke up to find the vase of carnations inside my house. They were sitting on my kitchen counter. That’s when I got scared.

I called Shawn and he came over immediately. I told him about the flowers coming the morning after their death and every year after that, but that they had always been on the front porch, until now. When I told him someone had left them inside my house this time, I thought his head was going to explode. He asked me if I had noticed anything else strange or had felt like I was being watched. I told him everything and that I didn’t know when it started but it had been happening for years. He came back the next day and started packing me and the kids up. He told me that he was moving us in with him and his wife, Jessica, for a little while. Just until we figured out what was going on. He thought I might have a stalker. He told me that carnations are an apology flower and he didn’t like the fact that they were sent to me on the anniversary of our parents deaths when their brakes were purposely cut. Whoever was sending them to me could be who killed our parents.

I refused to believe that. Our parents had died six years ago. No way had someone been watching me for that long without me knowing it! We moved in with Shawn and Jessica about a week later. We lived with him for five months with no problems. We had no idea if I really ever had a stalker at all, or if I did, was he still around? Things had been quiet for five months so we didn’t know what to think, but then again for years only little bitty things happened, so small that I didn’t even notice that something wasn’t right, except for the flowers. We had seven more months to wait to see if they came again. Then a few months later one of the doctors at the hospital where I worked asked me on a date. That’s what changed my life forever. One simple date and nothing would ever be the same.