Bullied

? The only thing

that I can’t afford

is to lose myself

trying to be somebody,

Somebody ?

SOMEBODY- CHAINSMOKERS FT DREW LOWE.

After a visit to the nurse, I left with just a little cast on my wrist. Heading down the hallway out to the school entrance with Meredith walking by my side. There is a really heavy silence between us and I know she wants to say something, but I on the other hand isn’t in the mood to speak.

As we stepped outside the building, our faces were grazed by the cool wind blowing around.

“so….”

i knew she was going to start something.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened? or are we gonna pretend like you aren’t hurt?” Meredith asked but not moving her gaze from scanning the parking lot.

And can you guess my reply?

oh yes, i didn’t answer.

“Iris? did you hear me? or are you just blocking me out?” she asked again now turning to me.

I raised my head to look at her and I saw her eyes filled with concern. She is really bothered about me, but even if I do tell her what exactly can she do?

“please talk to me”

If she keeps talking like this I’m gonna cry for sure.

She let out a loud sigh that blew out of her mouth like a puff of cloud.

yeah.. that cold!

“I know we just met, and you can’t really trust me, but you don’t really expect me to behave like I don’t care when I do, do you?” wearing a saddened expression she voiced out her mind. I guess I’m really hurting people here aren’t I.

But what if I tell her and she considers me weak and walk away?

That thought alone was enough to make me feel inferior and tear my view away from her to the floor.

“no matter what you tell me, I won’t judge you” she laid her hand on my shoulder and I think that was what gave me the courage to speak up.

“you promise?” I whispered.

“I promise”

After a life long sigh, I still stared downwards and began speaking.

“it’s Hunter” I think the way I whispered this, is below human hearing level.

“Hunter? again?, does he bully you?” she’s talking like she’s trying to get information from an emotionally abused kid.

Well, to answer her question didn’t need words because I think she could tell from my silence.

“why haven’t you said anything about it?” she continued asking

“I have, but no one did anything” no one at all.

“friends?”

I nodded.

“teachers?”

nodded again.

“principal?”

more nodding.

“parents?”

That word was the knife to cut the last string of strength I had to stop me from crying, but now I couldn’t help it.

Thinking of my parents in this case, I feel they are by far the worst betrayal I could have ever received. Choosing money over me was the proof of the kind of love they had for me.

I nodded really slowly, and Meredith pulled me into a hug.

“oh, you poor thing, don’t worry, I got you. I always will”

And I nodded into her neck trying to maintain my tears while she rubbed my back gently and held me close.

::::::

After much convincing, Meredith finally got me into her car to take me home.Property belongs to Nôvel(D)r/ama.Org.

I gave her my address and she happily accepted it, as she would also be needing it for Friday.

We were driving in silence, but not an awkward one. It was a really comfortable one with the radio playing Happy by Pharrell Williams at a low tempo.

But it was cool though.

Time to time, Meredith would glance at me with a questioning look on her face.

she always has something to say. I wish I was more like that.

Well, she’ll probably have a million things to say since i just poured out the thing that bothered me the most to her.

And to be honest, it feels good. like a weight off my shoulder.

Few more seconds of silence and she broke the bottle.

“you know, I don’t have your phone number”

I turned to her and saw her giving me a faint smile. I’m sure she sees me as a helpless case and is willing to bail so as not to be tagged with a nitwit.

“I und-derstand-d if y-you don’t wanna h-hang out anymore, I’m a weak, sick, stupid… I’m just..” I didn’t even know how to explain myself, so I just faked a laugh at the end, hoping to find amusement in the fact that I just lost a friend.

But she didn’t laugh back.

“Iris?”

“y-yeah?”

“I’m not going anywhere”

“you aren’t?” I’m shocked.

“yes I’m not, and you’re not stupid, you’re an A class student. You’re not sick because you aren’t a psycho. And most of all, you’re not weak. Heck you’re the strongest person I know”

“Are you just saying this to make me feel good?” or rather is she nuts?

“no I’m not, you’re a girl who’s been through a whole damn lot, yet you’re still standing strong. Fuck everyone else Shawn, I admire you”

I smiled, I really, literally just smiled.

“but I do have one question”

oops, and here comes the ‘I’m disappointed in you’ part.

“uhun?” fingers crossed.

“why didn’t you ever stand up to him? you know like revenge or talk back?” I wonder how she can be talking about revenge on Hunter and still have full focus on the road.

Actually, why didn’t I ever talk back or revenge?.

Wait a minute.

I did try to act back when he recently began his acts on me, but he had always been stronger so he always hit back harder.

So I literally got tired of trying.

Plus, I see violence as irrational, so why exert it for my own freedom?

That’s it!

I never fought back because I believed it was wrong.

mehn, i sound stupid.

But that’s who I am, no matter how I try, I can’t change that fact about me.

I can’t afford to lose myself trying to be somebody.

“I didn’t fight back because that’s not who I am”

jeez, that came out confident.

Maybe a little too confident. Even proud?

She’ll think I’m an egomaniac and throw me right out of her car.

I bit my lower lip, and waited for her response. And she broke into a broad smile.

“Miss Iris Shawn, I fucking admire you” She finally looked at me since the beginning of our ride. And her face portrayed one thing.

Pride.

She’s proud of me. Despite all my flaws and mistakes she’s really proud of me.

This fluttering feeling is back in my stomach again.

that means I’m happy.

I smile danced on my lips and Meredith noticed it. She gave a slight chuckle before talking again.

“Now you better give me your phone number, or I’ll divert my admiration to Zac Efron” throwing me a fake glare.

And I…

I felt happy.