A Silent Struggle
ROBERT
“I’m glad you had a good time, Renee. It has been a joy to host you.”
“Thank you so much for everything. This was incredible.” Renee responded in kind I watched her eyes flit over my shoulder when she finished her last sentence.
Her shoulders stooped slightly, indicating she wasn’t only talking about Mrs. Herbert’s hospitality. She meant more with her comments, which were directed at me.
I knew it, and as my gaze remained fixed on her and the frail older woman sweetly holding her, I c ouldn’t stop the smile from dancing about my lips.
Of course, she’d had a fantastic time here thanks to me, and my grin deepened just thinking about it. It hadn’t been difficult persuading the staff to make this cabin extra special for our first romantic holiday, and Mrs. Herbert had been the ideal company for Renee whenever I was away.
The previous several days had been nothing short of a frenzy of activity and absolute heaven with the love of my life. If I could turn back time, I would. I wished I could relive every moment and every minute spent holed up in the cabin or elsewhere with her. Relive every kiss, every touch – everything!
“And Mr. Clarke, I am already looking forward to your next visit, too.” Mrs. Herbert spoke up, interfering with my thoughts.
My smile faltered for a beat, but I slapped it back on swiftly. “Sure, Mrs. Herbert.” With a chuckle, I said, “But I’m not coming alone, and Renee won’t either. We’d both be accompanied by a little companion. Or two companions? Maybe three… maybe four…” My voice drifted off as I saw Renee’s face fade in color.
Her eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed crimson. I smirked as she blinked her lashes, trying to hide her embarrassment. She’d picked up on my double entendre. Good girl.
Mrs. Herbert, on the other hand, appeared ignorant of the comment. “Well, I am sure we can manage a full house!” Sshe exclaimed happily and squeezed Renee one last time before letting go.
I swallowed and cleared my throat. “Guess this is our cue to leave.”
“Yes. I can see that the staff has finished loading the car,” Mrs Herbert chirped, her hand pointing to the front door, where an SUV awaited outside. She went on to say, “Take care of my darling Renee, Mr. Clarke.”
I burst out laughing. “You have my word, Mrs . Herbert.” And I meant it.
There was no doubt in my mind that I’d take care of my girlfriend. Not that I didn’t always, but with the impending storm, I was determined to keep her safe.
Renee gave the older woman another of her endearing grins. “Time to say my final goodbye, ma’am.”
“Yes, my dear. See you soon. And you too, Mr. Clarke.”
I nodded politely and turned to face Renee, who stood stiffly beside me.
“You ready, baby girl?” I asked, grabbing her hand and pulling her to my side before she could respond. She didn’t say anything, but her head raised slightly in a nod.
There was a stillness all the way to the car, but I heard her softly say my name before we got in. I let go of her hand and swung her around till she was in front of me, her back pressed against the side of the SUV. She let out a faint gasp.
“What is it, love?” I inquired as I brushed her hair behind her ear. Her gaze locked on mine, and I watched her pupils dilate slightly. She then grinned. A smile so lovely it melted my heart. The smile lasted only a second, and as soon as it vanished, she flung her arms around my neck, leaned up on the tops of her feet, and kissed me passionately on the lips.
A few seconds later, she drew back and murmured. “I can’t wait to return here in the future with our lovely companions, like you said. Or rather, small minions.” My chest heaved as the words left her lips. I swallowed the lump that was building in my throat.
Little minions. Kids. She’d mirrored my words from earlier.
“Oh, my girl.” I inhaled deeply, touching her cheek, and leaned in for a kiss, but she jumped out of reach with a giggle.
“As much as I want to kiss you right now, we should get moving. The guards are watching. Mrs. Herbert is only a few feet away, and don’t forget we have a flight to catch.”
“A flight in my private jet. I can delay if I want to.” I playfully countered.
She gave a sly grin. “I know you can, but that’s not what I want. Now let’s go.”
Before I could say anything else, she grabbed the car handle, wrenched it open, and jumped inside without hesitation.
As I stepped inside and sat near her, I softly chuckled and shook my head. Lacing my fingers between hers, I kissed her tenderly on the knuckles.
Our hands stayed tightly clasped as the automobile drove away from the cabin.
“Your wish, baby girl, will always be my command. Here we come, Orlando.”
~~
This was going to be great. I gazed at my ringing phone, resisting the temptation to slam it against something solid. But I couldn’t. Not while I was in the car with Renee, who was staring at me with budding interest.
She wanted me to answer the phone, but I’d be damned if I did.
We’d just landed in Orlando a few minutes ago and were now in one of my luxury cars on our way to her apartment building. The last thing I wanted was for her to ask questions because I wouldn’t answer them. Aside from that, I knew I was going to lose it. My worries would get the best of me. I was already tense and didn’t need anyone or anything to aggravate me.
“Fuck!” I swore quietly as the phone stopped ringing, and the car fell silent. Renee’s piercing stare fell on me once more. I refused to meet it.
“Robert… are you okay?” This question. It was valid, and I wished I could honestly answer it. But what the hell would I say?
How could I pretend to be okay when I wasn’t? How was I supposed to explain why being in Orlando made me feel so fucking uncomfortable and chilled to the bone?
I’d been the perfect gentleman and lovely boyfriend all day as we prepared to depart Aspen. We’d started the day by making love before bathing, and I’d even brought her breakfast in bed. Then, I’d chosen her attire for the day and whispered loving words into her ears while she dressed. We’d said our goodbyes to Mrs. Herbert, and I’d kept a smile on my face. Everything I did back then was to keep my worries hidden. To put on a cheerful face. But now… now, as I sat in the black Cadillac, my thoughts strayed far away. Renee still stared at me eagerly, waiting for me to respond to her question, but I kept mute.
I remembered my conversation with Cade last night and how concerned he’d been to hear about my developing troubles. He’d volunteered to assist because the situation was something he was pretty familiar with, but I politely declined. I was innocent of all the accusations. This I could swear on my life, so why was I afraid?
Perhaps it was because I knew better. Was I truly innocent? Could my words vindicate me?
To think that because of this clusterfuck I cut our romantic getaway short, and unbeknownst to Renee, I- “Fuck!” I swore again, louder this time, startling Renee.
She asked again, gently squeezing my thigh. “Baby, are you okay?”
“I’m…I’m fine, Renee.” I lied, but I was sure she saw right through it.
She made a shaky motion with her head. “No. You’re lying to me.”
“Renee-”
“Robert, don’t Renee me. For God’s sake! Since last night, you’ve been ignoring phone calls. Why?”
“Let’s not talk about this, Renee.” My voice was calm, and I continued, “I’m in Orlando right now, and I’ll take care of everything. That’s why I am not answering any calls. Don’t be concerned about me, all right?”
“Seriously, I shouldn’t be concerned?” She scoffed. “Robert, listen to yourself. I’ve noticed a shift in your mood since we landed. You’re being distant.”
“No, don’t say that.”
“I will. Because I can feel it, and you know I’m not lying. Your hand barely left mine on the plane, yet you haven’t touched me since we landed. You don’t think that’s odd? What’s the point of all this when you’re usually so close to me every time? Why do you keep staring out the window and tapping on your thighs incessantly? What the hell is wrong with you?”
I sighed deeply and briefly closed my eyes. God!
‘Take another breath. And another, Robert. Calm the fuck down!’ I told myself. Mentally. But I couldn’t keep my cool. And I knew Renee could see that, too.
I turned to face her squarely. She had a worried expression on her face, and it instantly ripped my heart to shreds. I felt like crying.
“Renee… Nothing is bothering me. I’m perfectly fine. I only need to go to the office and sort through some stuff. That’s it.” I took her hand in mine and kissed her on the palm. “Please believe me.”
“I want to believe you. I hope everything is fine, as you say.” She spoke quietly. I could see the skepticism in her eyes, but she didn’t push the conversation any further.
Instead, I watched her head dip, and she shifted slightly in her seat, turning to face the window.
“We’ve reached my apartment.” After several minutes of silence, she spoke up, and the car stopped.
“Yeah.”
“You have to go to your office now?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s no need for you to come in with me then. I’ll-”
I didn’t let her continue, cutting her words short. I drew her closer, sank my hands into her hair, and smacked my lips on hers. She whimpered into the kiss, throwing her arms around me and urging me on.
As we kissed, a part of my brain struggled to find the perfect words to describe the terrifying feeling I suddenly had. Something dangerous seemed to be on the way. Something over which I had no control, and it would have an impact on my relationship with Renee.
I got chills all over my body, and a stinging sensation ran through me. What the fuck! What in the world was this? Why these negative thoughts?
We abruptly parted ways and stared at one other. I opened my lips to say something, but nothing came out. My tongue felt tied, which wasn’t entirely wrong. My gut twisted uncomfortably as I saw Renee return my stare with wide eyes and perplexity written over her features.
“What just happened?”
My rationality returned for a fraction of a second. “Renee, we kissed. I couldn’t stop myself.”
She laughed, and the pleasant sound was like music to my ears. Damn her! “Is this to make up for your distant attitude?” She asked.
“Of course not. I’m just not sure when I’ll see you again. We’ve been together for days, and I can’t handle the thought of saying goodbye. I adore spending time with you. Always.”
“Awww.” She made a faux pout. “While that’s nice, I should go now. I’m sure your driver emptied the trunk of my belongings.”
“I bet he has.”
“So take care. Go to the office, solve this problem you don’t want to tell me about, and when you’re finished, I’ll FaceTime you, and we’ll do some not-so-appropriate things.”
I agreed with a chuckle.
“You too, take care, and my regards to Nicole.”
“All right.”
“See you tonight?”Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.
She gave a nod. “Sure thing.” She leaned in, kissed my cheek, and hopped out of the car.
My gaze remained fixed on her until she vanished from view. The car slowly started moving again, and I sighed, allowing myself to feel the fear and anxiety return as I switched on my phone.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!