Her Poison His cure: Behind The Mask

We’ve been standing here, at the entrance of Father ‘s chamber for a long time now. When we got here and the eunuch announced our presence, apparently the physician was attending to father then and we were asked to wait till the physician finished with his job.

Funny right. How could they ask us to wait and not allow us to enter?. I began wondering, is Father ‘s condition so critical that they are even hiding him away from his family.

I bounced my leg on the floor loudly and hissed in annoyance. Mother looked at me and managed a faint smile at me apologetically. I could see in her eyes that she is also angry by the delay. Of Course who won’t be? Keeping you waiting when you demand to see your husband, not every woman could exercise such patience.

After what seemed like eternity the door snapped open and the physician stepped out followed by an old man dressed in a red robe with a black belt entrapped on his waist and a black long cap gracing his head.

Wait. Isn’t this the ministers of the court uniform?. Then he is one of the ministers.

The physician bowed to mother courteously before taking his leave.

“Your highness” the old man stood in front of mother and bowed slightly. “We are sorry for keeping you waiting,” he apologized.

“It’s okay, Lord Gunchondan. I understand”

The man nodded and bowed courteously before leaving.

Mother inhaled deeply and cleared her voice.

“Open the door” she instructed the eunuch standing at the door.

At the order, the door snapped open and mother walked in. I followed her immediately while the maids waited outside, lining themselves perfectly at the corner of the hallway.

The first thing that welcomed me was the weather beating the mound used to cover my father ‘s body. He was laying on the bed with his eyes closed. Mother moved forward and sat down on a small stool place beside the bed. Her hand moved forward to his forehead wiping the bead of sweat that gathered there. Noticing the touch, father opened his eyes slowly and let them trail the owner of the hand on his forehead until they landed on mother’s face.

His condition isn’t that bad as I imagined it would be. I mean I expect to see a thin pale man but he still looks a bit healthy.

Mother smiled at him. His pale white lip curled into a smiling pace. As if knowing there is someone else in the room with them, he trails his eyes toward my direction. A frown marred his forehead when his eyes landed on me.

As expected. I know he will react negatively when he sees me.

He took a deep breath and tried sitting up, mother quickly stood up and put her hand on his back raising him up from the bed. With the support of mother he was able to sit feebly on the bed. His eyes had a pinpoint look in them as he stared at me.

I was expecting him to lash out or shout at me to get out but he just kept staring at me.

“Moved closer” he finally spoke.

What is happening?. Why isn’t he getting angry like always?.

Those faces that once looked at me coldly now have warm and welcoming expressions in them and

as if I had been bewitched by him, my foot moved forward toward him.

I can smell how scared he is. It poured out of him. It reached up and stuffed itself inside my nose. That’s how scared he is but why is he scared?.

“My princess,” he called when I stopped in front of him.

I raise my eyes to meet him in surprise. It’s been a long time since he called me that.

He chuckled seeing my face and released a huge sigh.

“I don’t know where to start. There is alot I want to say but I just don’t know where to begin.”

I roll my eyes in my mother’s direction, recruiting her to rescue me. Mother accepts the invitation and jumps into the conversation.

“No matter how lengthy what to say is. You just have to summon the courage and say it” mother said to father.

Father looks at her and she gives him a small smile. He nodded and turned back to me.

Tears invariably streaked my cheeks on seeing his face but I quickly wiped them away and slapped my face to remind myself to focus.

I can’t get shaken by him just because he shows some sympathy for me and those sympathy might turn out to be fake.

“Just like your mother says, I just have to say it no matter how lengthy it was.” He began.

There was remorse in the eyes that met mine. “I know I have wronged you and I don’t deserve to ask for forgiveness from you but shamelessly I will have to ask for your forgiveness” the feeling of gnawing distress arises from his body as he bite his inner cheek with his teeth. A giant wave of surprise swamp me after hearing his words. A gut of pain skewered my body, tears blurred my vision but I didn’t allow it to fall. I just don’t want to hear his apology.

“Please forgive your incompetent father.” he finally released the boombshell. Letting my head down, the tears I was trying to control rolled down my cheeks.

I saw his eyes but I didn’t want to met them. I don’t want to be associated with his gaze. I feel like I am outside myself.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

Seeing I am avoiding his gaze, father gently slid his leg from the bed onto the floor and stood up feebly.

“How about we take a walk?” he proposed, stretching his hand out for me to grab.

I looked up at him and he whispered to me. “Please”

My eyes went to my mother ‘s direction and she also had a pleading gaze urging me to accept the invitation.

Reluctantly I grabbed his hand and both of us walked out, leaving mother behind.

The door opened and we stepped out onto the hallway and walked down the hallway. Father doesn’t look ahead to where we are heading to but rather stares at me. He whispers, “You will always be my girl”

I look away from him, staring around the palace. Getting the message I didn’t want to talk with him, he kept quiet till we got to the end of the hallway.

The sunshine envelope the silhouette of the moon tree situated beside the rail of the hallway and the cool breeze caressed my face as we stood staring at the beautiful weather.

With a wet tilt of head, father pointed toward the morning sun that shone brightly all over the palace and said. ” Isn’t it beautiful?.”

I know he was trying to hide his sadness by expressing this emotion of how the weather felt.

“Something came but never went, it faded but never ended. I can describe what it is. It’s that thing called love and I know my love for you never changes. Even when I behave coldly with you, this thing called love still makes me want you. Please come back, I know what it has become without you my princess. It is endless pain and suffering that never bend” he pleaded vigorously with pain clearly shown in his eyes. He looked close to tears.

“Can you forgive me?”

I look at him for the first time we got here and melt at the eyes that stare back at me. Can I ever forgive him?. I really want to but I don’t know how to erase the memories that had carved itself deep down in my bone, Yeong ho death.

Without an answer I bursted into tears. The tears I have been trying to hold all this while rolled down unstoppable as if a force is pushing them out. I clung to my father as the battle for my soul and sanity raged. I hate to cry. For the past five year my tears have been slapped, squeezed and one time burned out of me. I had moved past tears, past sobbing.

Tears are a sign of weakness followed always by defeat. Only losers cry. I have no tears left, just a raw aching wound.

And then it over I hiccups against my father ‘s robe as I tried to catch my breath. Father Pat my back comfortingly.

Can I really forgive my father_ the question remains unanswered.