Her, To Home

She had long stopped trying to find a space to breath. He wasn’t giving her the space which wasn’t even needed anymore. He has said he wanted to be air and almost unconsciously her body had given him his wish.

She knew her stare was returned with a loopy, goofy smile. She really couldn’t believe he was Dean.

“Close your eyes baby, get some sleep.” He whispered, still smiling. His lips brushed along hers softly but three seconds later they came back again, almost unconsciously to touch hers. This time she felt them as more then air, she felt the warmth and gentleness- and embraced it. For the first time, she responded back- closing her eyes, with her clumsy attempt she kissed him back. His response assured her that he didn’t give a flying fuck about her clumsiness because the next thing she knew, his tongue was in her mouth.

Her eyes flashed open in surprise for only a second, but closed as she concentrated on doing something rather than overthinking and not breathing. Dean probably guessed as much because he leaned away, eyes wild and dark. Breath out of rhythm.

“Please go to sleep before I…” He pleaded. More to himself than to her. His breathing still lost to him.

Her face still felt too warm.

Closing her eyes, she attempted to sleep while listening quietly to Dean’s breathing as it got from ragged to calm again. She could feel his eyes on her though, because she felt the same burn she did when he always looked at her. But it was him who fell asleep first. While keeping his eyes on her, staring with those dark globes which made her shiver, he had unknowingly fell into deep slumber while still holding her close. She had opened her eyes to his soft snoring and saw him with eyes closed and mouth slightly open.

He looked like a child.

She discovered then that as long as his eyes were closed, he was just another beautiful man. But as long as his eyes opened, he was the beautiful man in love with her. She also realized that it was the first time she had watched him sleep. He was always awake before her and the last thing she always fell asleep to were his open eyes, gawking at her face.

Why was it that so many realizations hit her on one single day? Has she been hurting him all this time? He did leave her but wouldn’t she had done the same. Had done the same? It was the moment her body had moved on its own like it had its own mind that she realized that his actions were explainable, his excuse was okay because the moment of panic to save him, she had done the first thing she could think of. He also did the same. Both of their actions were stupid but people in love usually do stupid things in it.

Her hand reached to finger his hair, the front was slightly wet, he probably washed his face a while ago. Breathing him in, he smelled like his old cologne. It was faint but still there.

A small laugh escaped her lips when she remembered that it was her who gave him this scent the first time when he turned fifteen to celebrate his manliness. She thanked god that it was her mother who picked it or else he would still be wearing that flowery scent that she was going to choose.

Cold wind touched her nose, turning her head she saw the window slightly open. It probably touched Dean as well because he pulled her even closer which had her flinching slightly. He just pressed the bruise on her waist.

Wondering if old habits were still there, she gently tapped his shoulder.

“Hmmm?” He was still asleep.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“Dean, my waist.” She whispered.

Still unconsciously, he removed his hand from her waist and moved it to her leg.

Blushing she growled again, “Dean!”

“Hmmm?”

“Hand! Move!”

This time his hand went up to her shoulder and stayed there while he shifted slightly to readjust himself in a comfortable position. Well, as comfortable as you can get on a single bed with a bruised person.

A yawn escaped her mouth but she didn’t want to sleep yet. In the back of her mind, she was still afraid to close her eyes. She no longer wanted to see those dreams again, no longer wanted to see Dean in that state. No longer wanted to wake up to find the bed empty.

She wondered for how long these fears would continue to haunt her, what else was needed to be done for him to proof that he was staying for good. What did she need from him?

But for once she was sure of something. If she woke up to find the bed cold from his space, this time she’ll wait. For as long as she has to, she’ll wait for him. Because he was there when she thought he had left, he had been with her when she cried, when she laughed, when she slept and when she was awake. When she wanted to kill herself and when she wanted to live so he will be there always.

Her heart clutched painfully at the thought but her eyes stayed dry. She no longer wished to break down on such thoughts. He was finally with her, she wished to live as long as the time stayed the same.

For after so long, she had been able to touch his warmth, she wanted to stay there for however long life was there to be.

Because Dean was always her forever.