His Soul & His Shame

It's time for me to go home and I don't want to do that but I don't have another choice other than to go home. I have to answer the questions my parents will ask because I have never behaved like this before and most importantly I have never avoided Ezra as I did yesterday. I need to come up with a good excuse and a lie.

"If you need me just give me a call and I will be there." Joanna hugged me tightly letting me know that she is serious. I know that she is serious about it and I am grateful.

"I know Joanna and I will give you a call if I need you." I hugged her one last time and stepped inside their garage to get to my car. My phone is still in my car and I don't even know how many times my parents have called or texted but Joanna has talked to them so I am relieved but I am afraid of turning on the phone because of Ezra and I am sure he will leave voicemails and texts.

I hopped in my car and reversed it and left the garage waving at Joanna and started driving towards my house. My thoughts are jumbled, not stopping at anything but the only thing nagging me is what if Ezra is at my house and waiting for me? I am not ready to face him and I don't want to face him, maybe I can hear what he has to say but I can't bring myself to forgive him after what he did to me. I can give him a chance to explain himself for the sake of our friendship and that's it.

I took the phone from the passenger seat and turned it on and I am bombarded with the sounds of notifications. Some are from my parents, Joanna but most of them are from Ezra and he has said only one thing in voicemails and texts is that he is sorry and he can explain.

I clicked on his name and typed "I am not ready, I will listen when I am ready." And send it to him. I am not yet strong, if I face him now then I will easily forgive him and accept everything he says and does. I want to be just me, Just Fay Moore, not Ezra's Bestfriend or sidekick.

When I parked my car in my driveway I saw Mitchell's Car waiting in the driveway which made me confused because she never came to my house or we never hung out without Ezra. So, her being here is a surprise for me. I opened my car door and stepped down, taking my phone with me.

She is looking so well kept with perfect makeup and style and here I am looking like a homeless person with puffy eyes and a stuffy nose. Maybe this is the reason why Ezra likes Mitchell because she is so pretty and I am not.

I pushed all my insecurities back into my mind and stopped staring at her like a creep and approached her. She is standing beside the car with a neutral face not showing any emotions but as approached her, she gave me a small smile that didn't reach her eyes, not that it looked like a fake one.

"Hi!" I greeted with a small voice and smile for which I gained a Hi in return. We just stood there awkwardly, not talking about anything.

"I know you are confused about my visit because we never met without Ezra." She has hesitation in her words and she is not meeting my eyes like she is guilty or something.

"Yeah!" I don't know what else to answer her and I am suffocating in her presence. It's not like she has ill intentions or she ever treated me like the other girls treated me just because I am Ezra's best friend. She is a good girl and I like her but whenever I saw her with Ezra and yesterday when she was making out with him made me dislike her and I know I am wrong to do that but I can't help it.

"I came here to ask you something and I hope you don't take it the wrong way." I just nodded my head and wore my blank face so she can think whatever she is going to ask me doesn't affect me and I know what she is going to ask.

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"Do you like Ezra?" She didn't beat around the bush, my breath hitched in my throat but I didn't show her anything because I don't want anyone to know about my stupid crush on him, and after what we did it is not just crush or like and I always knew I loved Ezra but I never dared to think about it or say it out loud.

"Of course! He is my best friend." I said it in a duh tone making her relax somewhat.

"I know but do you feel something for him? Like romantically?" She wanted to be sure that I would never come between them.

"Oh my God! What made you think like that?" I asked in a fake surprise tone which I hated the most. Why do I have to pretend that I don't have feelings for him? Why do I have to suffer this much for him? Am I committing a big sin by loving my best friend who doesn't even like me? Why is my life a total mess!

"It's just when you saw us yesterday in the parking lot and just rushed off and you never did that and Ezra was also behaving strangely after that so I just wanted to ask you....." She trailed off not wanting to ask me straight up that are we fucking behind her back or not.

"We just fought with each other on something and I am avoiding him, nothing new. So, don't worry." I gave her a small smile making sure that she buys that because I don't have any energy left to entertain her or explain everything. "Thank God! I thought you got upset seeing us making out." She still wants to confirm that I am not going to cause any problems for her. I really can read people very well, especially the girls who were with Ezra because they all asked the same questions as Mitchell is asking.

"No, as I said we just had a fight and nothing else." I waved my hand like it was not serious and I am telling the truth.

"You don't even know how much your words relaxed me. I don't know what I would have done if you had told me that you liked Ezra right after he asked me to be his girlfriend." She is blabbering non-stop not thinking about what is coming out of her mouth but the only word which came out of her mouth made my heart and body still with shock, surprise, anger, and pain.

He asked her to be his girlfriend? He never asked anyone to be his girlfriend before. If he likes Mitchell then why did he sleep with me and why did he treat me like I am something more than a friend.

He is playing a double game with both of us or he is just playing with me. I am an idiot to easily trust him. I have known Ezra since we were kids but I never knew him properly, if I would have then he wouldn't have done what he did.

"Fay?" My thoughts were interrupted by the voice I don't want to listen to ever. Why the hell is he here when I told him that I wanted time to face him. If he thinks he can easily walk over me then he is going to be surprised when I just flip him off. I am done with his shit and games.