It Happened Last Year

Daniel called a few times over the weekend, Jana too, but I wasn’t answering anyone’s calls. I texted Jana and said that I needed to be alone just so she wouldn’t come snooping around the house to make sure I am still alive. Daniels, well, I left his to ring, each time forcing myself not to answer.

“I heard your Dad told you about Florida,” my mother grabs my attention as I sit alone in the kitchen. She walks around to the other side of the counter island to face me. “Are you going back?”

“Yeah. I’m moving back during winter break.”

She raises an eyebrow. “That’s hardly a month away.”Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

I nod. “I know. I’ll be ready by then. I’m used to leaving quickly anyway.” It feels like an extreme case of déjà vu. It feels like I am giving up again just as I did last year, but I know that Florida is what’s best for me. I can be someone else there. In Florida, I’m free of Harrison and Daphne and seeing Daniel every day.

My feelings for him frighten me. They make me wonder if I am getting sick again, for if I am getting better, and I can’t be with him if I still question that. What I did Friday night… It hurt to leave because I knew he wanted me to stay, he acted as if everything was okay when it wasn’t. When I got on top of him-just thinking about it makes me squeeze into myself. I can’t think about it.

When I arrive at school, I avoid Jana’s texts and head straight to class. I wouldn’t know how to explain this to her. I can’t even explain it to myself.

Before I go, I am going to turn in the USB. It is sitting in my locker for when I get brave enough to take it to the station after school. Not today. Today’s not right, but maybe tomorrow I’ll take it. I don’t want it in the house anymore, I don’t want to grab it and watch the video like a drug addict. God forbid my mother finds the drive and gets curious herself-so it sits in my locker on the top shelf, unwatchable.

When the lunch bell rings, I near the cafeteria doors, not expecting Daniel to be there. I assume he has gone to the track, not wanting to see me. I’ll have to face Jana, but her I can handle. If I saw Daniel, all I have been holding in may just pour right out for everyone to see.

I notice Sam-the boy who gave me the video-leaning against the wall beside the doors. He’s looking down the hallway, the opposite of where I am, but when his eyes scan back over, he seems jolted by my presence. I walk over to him. “Are you waiting for me?”

Instead of speaking there, Sam leads me down the hall and turns around once we’re generally alone. “They know,” he says. It’s all he says.

“What are you talking about? Who knows what?”

“That girl, the dancing one, she knows about the video,” he explains further.

“Daphne?” I blurt. “How? How could she? There’s no way she could-unless you told her. Have you told people?”

He immediately defends himself. “No, no. Of course not. I don’t know how she did. The only people who know about the video is you and me.”

“Obviously not!”

“Well, maybe she overheard. Maybe she heard us when we were in the classroom.”

I cross my arms. “The door was closed? There’s no way…” I freeze. Someone else knows. Daniel knows about the video. He wouldn’t-would he? No.

I abandon Sam in the hall and rush to the track.

He wouldn’t do this to me. I know Daniel and he is not like that, he is not revengeful.

My heart beats faster as I get closer, and I contemplate turning back. I wasn’t supposed to see him, that was my plan. Avoiding Daniel until I leave for Florida seems ridiculous, but I don’t want him to find out that I’m leaving. I don’t want him to do something that will make me stay.

When I near the track, my eyes scan the area for him, expecting to see him jogging around, but he’s not. I walk closer and notice two people by the bleachers. Daniel is standing in front of someone who is sitting down, and when he shifts to the side my entire body sinks down. It’s Daphne. He’s talking to Daphne. He told Daphne about the video. Daniel, the only person I truly trusted has stabbed me in the back. I should have expected this, right? Trust no one?

It hurts. It really hurts. I thought there was something good here in Coldgrove and I thought that was him. He’s just like the rest of them, though, and it hurts.

She stands up and touches his arm, her eyes peering up at him, flirting. I turn away, feeling the need to vomit. That’s why she asked me about him. She’s swiped him from underneath me with her normalness. I can’t be upset, I let him go. He’s not mine anymore. But I want him. I want to storm over there and tell her off, shouting to get her hands off of him. I bite my lip. He deserves someone who can really be with him, and if he wants Daphne, then who am I to judge?

I let him go. I set him free.

I walk back towards the school, feeling my shoulders growing heavier and heavier. I have to leave now. I can’t wait until winter break. They’re not settled in Florida yet, but maybe I can stay in Canada with them while they figure out the last of things.

I can’t see him with her, it will kill me, so I’ll turn in the drive today and never come back. Jana will be heartbroken, but I hope she’ll understand. I hope James will distract her.

I head towards my locker, ready to grab the USB and drive to the station, ditching the rest of the day. As usual, I open my locker and feel for the USB on the top shelf, but I feel nothing. Reaching further in, my hand swipes from side to side and I hold my breath. It’s not there. The drive is gone. I just put it there this morning, how could it be gone?

Panicking, I shut the locker and dig through my bag, but it’s not in there either.

They know. He knows. Harrison took it.