It Happened Last Year

I pull up to Jana’s house and text her that I’m here. While waiting I glance up at the sky, hoping it snows like the news said it would. The heat is blasted and the windows are fogged, and it’s beginning to feel like winter.

Jana knocks on the window and I unlock the door. She slips in and shuts it immediately behind her, almost on her foot. “Jeez it’s cold out there,” she says while pulling on her seat belt. “Watts better have the fire going.”

I pull onto the road. “So this isn’t some big Christmas party like you said before, right?”

“No, this one’s just close friends.”

“Good. After Harrison’s party, I need a break.” Jana stays quiet and I glance over to her. “You okay?”

She nods, her cheeks red. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just-well I’m sorry that things didn’t work out. It must, well, it must suck.”

“It does,” I say honestly, turning onto the main road. “He won. Harrison won. And he will continue to win until I get out of that damn school, but I need to let it go. I’m not going to focus on the bad right now, only the good.”

“So mostly Daniel?”

I roll my eyes. “So is James going to be there?”

“Yeah. I’m so excited for everyone to officially find out that we’re a couple.” Jana’s face lights up. “He’s already there, and he said he’s got a seat for me right next to the fireplace,” she reads off of her phone, currently texting him. “God he’s so cute. Oh, he’s roasting me a marshmallow!”

“Inside?” I glance over again.

“Fire’s fire.”

I park by the curb as I usually do, and I’m happy to see few cars along the street. Sometimes Jana and I have a different definition of ‘small party.’ As we walk up to the door, I spot Daniels car and I grow giddy, my heart squeezing and racing and jumping. It’s weird to think that the last time we were at Watts’, Daniel figured out my secret.

I remember that night when he drove me home and wandered into my room. When he kissed me and when I snuck him out not so stealthily. It makes me smile now.

We walk in and make our way to the living room, where all the commotion is. My eyes promptly go to the fireplace, then to Jana as she sits beside James, then to Taylor and Jordan, then to Watts as he gulps down a mixture of stuff, then to Daniel. He’s sitting in a large leather chair, facing the fire. I walk over to him. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Daniel says back and I can’t help but smile. He motions for me to sit with him, so I try to squeeze beside him but end up on his lap with my legs hanging over the armrest.

“Am I too heavy?”

“Like a feather,” he says and I roll my eyes for the second time.

I rest my head on his shoulder. “You’re like Santa.”

“What do you want for Christmas?”

The USB drive. “How about a kiss?”

Daniel leans into my lips, but I quickly shift away. “I meant on the cheek, Santa. You’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”

Daniel snakes his arm around my back, his hand holding me in place. “I can’t help myself,” he murmurs. “How are you feeling? Better?”

“It’s not fair, but I’m trying.”

Daniel soothingly rubs my back. “Do you know what I want for Christmas?”

“What?”

His eyes find mine, and they don’t turn away. “For you to stay.”

“Daniel…” I warn, looking to Jana who’s just across the coffee table. She looks quite distracted by James, so I look back to him.

“I know, I know, don’t let Jana find out,” he mutters. “But I’m serious. You’re all I want.”

“Then I’ll stay,” I blurt and Daniel sighs, not taking me seriously. Taking the moment by storm, I grab his hand, going on a limb. “There’s something I need to tell you, in private.”

Daniel follows me into the hall, the same hall where he put all of the pieces together. I take a few deep breathes before stopping and looking up at him. He leans against the wall, his shoulder holding him up. “What is it?”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

‘I’ll stay’ is only two words, ‘I love you’ is three, ‘I’m in love with you’ is five. ‘Daniel, I love you’ is four and now I am stalling. “Well, I just wanted to tell you that-that I… My feelings for you…” the words get caught in my throat. There is so much pressure on three simple words. I love you, Daniel, is all I have to say. I take a deep breath and grab his hand, squeezing. “All I want is you, too. Really, I love you, Daniel.”

I hold my breath. Never would I have imagined myself here in a million years.

Daniel brings his hand to my cheek, his thumb running across my skin. “I love you, too.”

A burst of energy spreads throughout me, and my heart races. “Really?”

“I’ve been in love with you, Hailey.”

“You never said anything.”

He shrugs. “I didn’t know if you were ready to hear it.”

Relieved and so genuinely happy, I smile and blush and let it all out, not hiding a thing. Finally, since losing the USB, since that night last year, since everything, I feel satisfied, happy, excited, and so in love. Looking up at Daniel now, I know I could never leave him, not by my doing. He’s my savior, he brought light to my shadowed world and showed me that my life isn’t over. I can’t thank him enough for that. I can’t thank him enough for making me feel like a teenage girl again, like a real person with a purpose.

Daniel leans down, caresses my cheek, and gives me a short, passionate kiss as if sealing the deal. I linger in his space, holding onto him. “I’m staying, Daniel. I can’t go, not now, not with you here. You mean so much to me, and if I left I would be heartbroken. I can’t break what you’ve healed.”

Before Daniel can speak, his phone starts to ring and he takes it from his pocket to quickly glance at who it is. I wait anxiously but become curious when he shields the screen from my view. “Who is it?” I ask.

He hits decline and shoves the device back in his jeans. “No one, don’t worry about it.”

He attempts to rejoin the bubble, but I bring myself out of it as well. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong, it’s just-you remember when I told you about that bad guy back at the cabin?” I nod. “Well, I told him that I’m done, really done this time.”

“It was him?”

“Yeah. I’m sure he’s just trying to persuade me back, but I have other things to focus on now,” he says, holding me again. “I don’t want to be getting into trouble anymore.”

I rest my head on his shoulder, glad that his business with that ‘bad guy’ is finally over. I don’t want to see his knuckles busted up ever again. “We should go somewhere.”

“Where do you want to go?”

I look up at him. “I don’t know… somewhere where we can be alone?”

We return to the living room and I approach Jana and James, handing her my keys. She takes them and gives me a look. “Will you just let me keep the car already?”

“Thank you,” I say over her question.

“Yeah, yeah, just be careful,” she waves me off and returns to her conversation with her boyfriend.

I meet Daniel by the door, and we head off towards his car. He tells me that we’re going to his house, and I buckle in, thrilled. My eyes rotate between the window, his face, the road, and his hands, thinking hard. When I feel his hand on my thigh, I look to the connection, placing mine on top of his, not moving it, just enjoying it. Feeling a little tense over what may come, I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

I want to try. I feel like I’m ready to take this step forward. It’s been over a year, a year of tears, and harassment, and embarrassment, and pain, but also a year of friendship, and healing, and love, and acceptance. I’m with the right person. I’m in the right mindset. I’m coming to terms with how my journey will end. And I want to try. I want to take this step.

When we arrive, I walk beside Daniel to the door and try to calm my nerves as he unlocks it. When we’re inside, I drift forward and turn back to him, cool and collected. “I want to try,” I say bravely, and before he can ask, I say, “and yes, I’m sure and ready.” He nears me, his handsome face making me rosy-cheeked. “I trust you, Daniel, more than anyone. I love you.”

He takes my hand. “You’re really sure?”

“Yes,” I breathe out. “I am. Only with you.”

Daniel squeezes my hand, a quick pulse. “Okay.”

He takes me to his bedroom and right when we enter, my eyes look to the windows, seeing snow falling lightly outside through the fogged glass. A deep feeling of certainty spreads through me, and I run my fingertips along the fabric of his bed.