JUNE BREAK

By AMAH’S HEART

I used the fifth stick and it was the same, no changes.

“Negative… negative… all negative. I’m not pregnant, thank you Jesus… I’m not pregnant…”

I exclaimed happily. It felt like a miracle. I have already zeroed my mind from fear and ready to face whatever the outcome will be.

It felt so good that I began to jump excitedly.

I was too happy that immediately Louise returned back I couldn’t keep the news.

I told him that I wasn’t pregnant.

“I knew it. you know I told you that you’re not pregnant, but because you don’t trust me enough you kept doubting. Now that you have confirmed your curiosity, I guess is all settled. Anyway, I’m equally happy that it wasn’t pregnancy because you would have still end up removing it…”

I don’t know if I should be happy with his remark or angry but none of it matters though. I was too happy to pick offence in his sarcastic comment.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

Going forward, I pray such act from Louise never occurs again.

Anything that will scare me and make me worry the way I did won’t happen again.

I prayed to God to help and protect me from such hurt.

After then, Louise went back to his caring and loving self.

He will even call me at work to know how I’m feeling. If he comes back from work before me he will prepare lunch, dish out mine and kept it waiting for me.

He takes me out during the weekend, our outing is always fun and entertaining.

Along the line I get carried away a little.

There are days I will love him and kept smiling and wishing we were already a couple instead of living as lovers.

But there are other days I couldn’t wave off his stinking personality. All I think of is how much he hurt me.

Even though he has asked for my forgiveness and I let him know that I have forgiven him.

Although he tried to make up for those bad days but I can’t help but hate every thought of it. Those days Louise becomes a threat and enemy in my head.

I will begin to think he probably has a negative motive behind his recent nice behavior. He can’t possibly be acting all nice all of a sudden without any bad hidden plan.

Trusting him during such time becomes hard. I will hate his person and all there is to him.

I wish we weren’t living together, how happy and free I will be

If I had my money with me, I could have either leave the house for sometime, get a small place for myself or go stay with Ella who has a very small place that she shares with her sister.

Right now, i don’t have access to my money. Louise is in charge and he also calculate my transportation in a month and give the total monthly transport fare.

The small tips I sometimes get at work I use it to support, get food whenever I’m hungry at work and buy few things whenever needs arises.

He will always ask me how much tips I usually get at work and I will tell him.

He will tell me if the money is big, i should make sure I give it to him so that he can continue saving for me.

He was saving all my money carefully for my future.

For my school and other expenses that comes with it.

Louise said that I will squander it, spend it carelessly if the money remains in my custody. Which was why he has taken it upon himself to be in charge of all my financial records.

At first I loved the idea and really bought into because I trusted him but after the last incident, when he forcefully had me to his satisfaction, bruising me in the process. I sustained not only physical wound but also emotional which I kept battling with. After what he did to me, I no longer trust him or feel safe with him.

But there are days I just want to be loved and pampered and whenever Louise offers, I accept without much thought to it.

He will make me relax on his shoulder whenever we’re at home watching movie.

This was the Louise I wished for, this was exactly what I want in my man. The love and care he was showering looks suspicious but I didn’t care I only wish it continues.

We shared kisses and few romantic moment but that was all to it because I was still scared of really getting intimate.

I was scared of his dark side. I wasn’t truly safe but I pretended and I was good in my acting. Making him believe I was reciprocating his affection.

After few more weeks passed, I was coming back from work one day, while at the bus stop waiting for bus, a car drove and stopped in front of me.

He called my name, when I looked into the car it was Philip.

I was very happy to see him, he asked me to come in.

I hesitated a little before joining him.

He talked about how he waited for my call, how he never stopped checking the bus station anytime he drives pass.

He asked me why I didn’t call him, I told him is because I misplaced his business card.

I remember how Louise shred the business card into tiny pieces, even if I decided to gather it up and take out the number it will be impossible.

The lie suit perfectly fine and Philip didn’t appear angry or suspecious.

He asked me if I live with my parents or maybe a relative.

I was stuttering at first because I couldn’t come up with a lie.

I can’t possibly tell that him I live with a supposed boyfriend, who I no longer trust. Philip may never want to talk to me again.

He will keep a distance and that will be the end.

“I stay with my uncle…”

I finally said to Philip. He smiled and asked if my uncle is too strict because he will like to visit me sometime but that will be if I’m okay with it and if my uncle approves.

He asked if my uncle is a married man or single.

I told him that he is married with two kids. “My uncle is difficult to please and does not like me keeping friends, especially opposite sex. So he may not approve of your visitation but I will get back to you, Let me confirm from him first. But as for me, I’m okay with you visiting but it won’t be right away. Let me get to know you better first…”

He gave me his number and took mine.

We were conversing so well like I have known him for years.

He dropped me close to the house and promise to call.

I walked to the house and Louise was around.

He welcomed me with a kiss that taste so awful.

I sometimes distaste his show of affection because deep down I know he doesn’t truly care.

I freshened up and he told me that he prepared dinner.

As I was heading to the kitchen, my phone began to ring, it was Philip calling.