Love Aint Always Pretty

Chapter 51: 51 Pulchra Pulmentum

Pulchra Pulmentum

Translation: beautiful mess

Origin: Latin

I wiped my tears.

I'm crying.

The hell. I'm crying cos he kissed Penny.

I didn't go to the bathroom. I just wanted to get out of the couch. I headed out of the frat house cos the people on that table was suffocating and sucking out all the good vibes that's still left inside of me. I'll only get angrier if I stare at Penny longer. She's such a bitch. She always gets into my nerve. I sat down on the second step of the stairway on the front patio while everyone was inside.

I stared at the night sky, sometimes I wish that if I haven't come here the first time I was here, I couldn't have gotten involve to anything that is related with Nick. If he didn't come to my dorm room drunk that night, I wouldn't be curious about him. I wouldn't be madly in love with him if I didn't agree to what we have now.

"Savannah." That voice.

Im sure who it is but I just didn't turn around. My heart is racing fast again. Nick sits down right next to me and I feel like I couldn't breathe. I always walk away from him but he's always following me. He's suffocating me too. He's just everywhere I go. Even in my dreams, he's there. He's all I see. He's everywhere.

I gazed at him, he's now wearing his shirt and shoes. "What are you doing here?"

"I should be the one asking you that." I tell him.

"I think you're forgetting that I'm the President of this fraternity. Why did you come out here?" He answered.

I looked straight ahead. "Because I need some space. I need some air to breathe."

"About that kiss with Pen--"

"I don't really wanna hear it." I cut him off.

"You don't have to explain. I don't wanna talk about what happened a while ago or that night you saw me with Aries." I added.

I hear him sighing heavily and both of us went really quiet after that. I don't want to hear him explain to me whatever he needs to talk about the kiss he had with Penny. I don't have the right to know about it and he has no right to tell me. Im sure as hell that he enjoyed it. It was pretty much obvious. If he talks about Penny then I could feel the need to defend myself and the kiss I had with Aries. Gosh, Nick saw me and Aries kiss twice before him.

"About that night. Those words I told you, Im still sorry." he says again.

He still hasn't gotten over it. I smile sheepishly kind of touched by Nick. He doesn't get tired of saying his apologies.

"Nick, forget about that night." I say.

I gazed at him. "Forget about what you told me that night. We need to take this thing less seriously now. You need to help me so I could forget about you once this ends. Im so tired of getting hurt."

He looks at me seriously. Property © NôvelDrama.Org.

"We promised to keep it simple so stop acting like this cos when you're not around and nowhere to be seen, I always end up worrying about you." I say weakly.

I placed my lower lip in between my teeth and tried to hold in a cry.

I continued, "I always end up thinking about you, who you're with or where you are. And it hurts me so much cos I don't have the right to know about it cos--"

"I was just here Savannah. I didn't go anywhere. I was just in my room all these days. I was thinking." he cuts me off.

I exhale. I felt relieved when he said he was just here. He didn't go anywhere. A little hope creeps into my aching heart, making it feel a little bit better that he didn't spend time with Catherine but shatters right away when I say her name.

"I was thinking about you." He says.

Nick is sometimes somewhere in between a sweetheart and a complete asshole.

He's frustrating me.

"I was thinking about us too. And how I'm being so selfish cos I always hurt you. Tracy and I talked. I'm really sorry." He added.

There you go again Nick. There you go again doing that. Saying the right words to me and I'll be a complete fool for your sweet talking. I always fall for that. You always make things right. You always make me forget that I am mad at you. You always cause me pain but I still choose to love you.

"Your sorry sounds too redundant now Nick. My ears are growing tired of hearing it." I say.

Nick stands before me and extended me his hand. "I confuse you a lot, I know."

I bite my lip harder. I'm fighting my tears. I promised myself I won't cry in front of him anymore. Don't cry Savannah.

"But every time I see you kiss Aries, I get so mad and I know I shouldn't be mad but he's a better man than me. I know I shouldn't get your hopes up but I just need to say that to you. I only want to kiss your lips and no other man." He adds.

I shake my head in response. Nick stop this please. You're going to hurt me more if you say those sweet words.

"He makes you laugh and he doesn't hurt you the way I always do." he added.

"I don't mind it that you're hurting me Nick. The hurt you always cause towards me is a beautiful pain. For some reason, it is still beautiful to me."

"Don't say that. There's no beauty in pain Savannah." He says.

I bent my head down.

"But I promise you, once this will end, what you asked from me that night, I'll give it to you. I respect your decision if you want us to end like that. But right now, I want us to make it last like this thing is going to be forever." He tells me.

I nod.

"Cos I can't let go of you just yet. Hold on to me a little bit longer." He added

I look at him longer and his strong contrasted winter blue eyes are looking back at me dolorously. It's like his eyes are telling me he doesn't want us to end but his words wants us to.

"Please." Nick begs.

My tears are gathering around my eyes, making my vision blurry. Little by little, they're starting to crawl on my cheeks. I exhale heavily and I know he can see from my eyes that I'm starting to get tired of what we have but I'm still fighting for him. For me. For my love for him. I'm still hoping that he can love me, that we can be more than this. I'm still hoping for him even though it's obvious that he couldn't feel the same towards me cos he won't even try opening up for me.

"Please stay for a little while. That's all I need. That's all I ask from you." he continued.

I don't know how long I can take this anymore. I don't know how I can carry this kind of pain. I just don't know if I'm still strong enough to hold on to this thing that leads me nowhere with you.

"Do I even matter to you Nick?" I asked.

He kneels down before me and was still holding my hand. "Yes. You do Savannah. I'm not saying this just cos I need you to stay with me longer but I mean it."

I suck a deep breath in and exhaled heavily. Every time I exhale, I feel my heart aching. Every time I look at Nick, I always get hurt but then I always love how he looks at me. I love it how he sets his eyes on me. God this thing just makes me confuse too much.

"We're a beautiful mess." he says.

I smile. "We are. We sure are."

My heart belongs to Nick. Completely. Even though sometimes alcohol tastes better than our love. He's toxic to my body but I still need him to satisfy me.

Nick is like an unprescribed drug, it's dangerous to my health but I still do it cos it's giving me happiness.

"Want me to drive you back to the dorm now?" he asks.

"I don't wanna go home yet." I say.

"Okay. So wanna go back inside then?"

I shake my head. "Take me somewhere."

I stand up and I headed to his car. He quickly follows me. I climbed into the passenger seat and so does he. Nick starts driving away from the frat house. We got to the main road and we were both quiet.

We're always quiet.

"Where do you wanna go?" He asks.

"I wanna spend the weekend at your house Nick." I say.

He looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"Let's go to your old house. I wanna spend my weekend there with you."

I don't know why I said that. I don't know why I asked him to take me to his old house. I don't know why I chose that place. Of all places I could think of, I had to pick that one. I'm sure that house is too memorable for him, for some reason I'm sure it's related to Catherine.

I know it is.

Nick was still looking at me while the car was moving insanely slow. "Now?"

"Yea. Now." I answered.

He sounded like he doesn't want us to go there. He sounded like he wants us to go somewhere else.

"But we haven't packed any of our clothes with us." He says.

"Who cares?" I arched my eyebrow. "I'm sure you and Tracy have clothes left there. So let's go there now. Like right now." I demanded.

He exhales while he scratches the back of his head. "Okay."

I glance at my watch and it was almost two in the morning. I know it's going to be a long drive but I'm sure we're going to be fine on our way there.

"You can sleep if you want. I'll wake you up when we get there." He says.

"Okay."

•••••

"Savannah. Wake up." I hear Nick's voice.

I slowly flutter my eyes and noticed that I was on a bed. I'm lying down on a bed and Nick was sitting down on the edge of the right beside me. I pulled myself up and looked around. I'm in Tracy's old room now. I look at Nick confusingly.

"When did we arrive?" I asked.

"Around five in the morning." He says.

"You didn't wake me up."

"I didn't want to wake you up so I carried you up here."

I bent my head down and stared at my watch. It's already nine in the morning.

"I've cooked us breakfast." He says as he stands from the bed.

I moved my eyes up to him. "Let's go down now?" He offers a hand.

I accepted it and we stumbled our way downstairs. We walked to the dining table and sat down. The table had a plateful of pancakes, sliced apples and peeled oranges, sliced bread and some bottles of jams and then there's milk. I moved my head up to him and smiled at Nick.

"Did you get some sleep?" I ask.

"Not really. I couldn't sleep." He says.

My brows furrowing. "Why not?"

"I just can't sleep in this house. Every time I close my eyes, I see Cath...." He trailed off then exhales. "I see memories."

Memories of Catherine. I sigh. Now I'm hurt by my own question.

I bite my upper lip. "Sorry I forced you to come here."

"It's okay. You wanted to be here." He paused and looked at me. "Why'd you wanted to be here anyways?"

"I just wanted to get away from everything. From Penny. From Aries. Alec. Tracy. From everything and everyone in WSU." I pulled my head to him. "I wanted to be alone with you."

He smiles.

"I didn't see you for three days cos you were hiding from me and it's been kind of rocky between us lately so I wanted to spend this weekend with you." I continue.

I look at him longer. "We need to make time for our lapses."

He laughs. "Lapses."

I smiled shyly.

"Well we can do anything you and I want here. We have the entire house." He says.

I smirk cos my mind is going green.

"You like that?" He asks with a grin.

I nod with a smile. "You know I really love that."

"Me too." He says before putting a slice of pancake in his mouth.

When we were done eating, I offered to wash the dishes while he was getting himself a shower. While I was washing the dishes, my mind was thinking about where him and Catherine could've done it in this house. I wonder what positions they could have possibly done. I wonder if she lived here with him and how long. I wonder how happy they were. I wonder if they made meals together in this kitchen.

I sigh.

Suddenly someone from behind me pushes all of my hair to the other side. I looked over my shoulder and it was Nick. He kisses my neck while his arms were wrapped around my waist. A smile creeps into my face and his lips moving up to my ear as I feel him breathing on me.

"I thought you were going to take a shower?" I asked.

"Shower with me." He whispers.

"I still have dishes to do." I say.

He pulls the plate off my hand and placed it down on the sink. He makes me turn around to face him and my eyes widened when I saw him topless with nothing on but a white towel wrapped around his torso. His hair was still dry. I smile at him and he's looking at me hungrily. He walks closer and pressed his bulge against my crotch while my butt was leaning against the sink. His hips locking me down and he licks his lips while his eyes were on me.

"Come on. We can always get back on washing the dishes after." He says.

"Are you naked under the towel?" I ask with a playful and shy smile.

He nods. "Please shower with me."

I gave in cos he said please. He begged for me to shower with him and that was just the hottest thing as always.

He pulls me away from the sink and we headed upstairs. Nick's back muscles were apparently hot. He's got a nice bum too. I move my eyes down to our fingers that were entwined together. I love it every time he locks his fingers on mine. He locks the bathroom door and turned to face me. He's waiting for me to get naked. I'm just smiling sheepishly as I start to pull my shirt off of me. He watches me carefully as I take off every single piece of clothing from my body. I stand before him with my underwear and bra left on me.

"Let me take that off for you." He says.

He walks closer to where I am and stands before me. His fingers brushing against my skin as he pulls down the straps of my bra then unclasps it. He pulls it off of me and placed it on top of the sink. He moves closer and runs his hands on my sides.

Down...

Down...

Down...

Now he's holding the garter of my underwear and he fell on his knees. His face is close in front of my organ as he kisses my mons pubis then looks up to me as he pulls down my underwear. He stands back up on his feet and throws my underwear to the sink. I pull the towel off of him and his bare soft wang hangs.

We headed to the tub that has been filled with water and bubbles. He helped me get inside the tub and sits right across me. I started gathering the huge bubbles and placed it over my head.

"I've never shared a tub with anyone before." I tell him.

He smiles.

"Have you tried sharing a tub with anyone before?" I asked.

"Yeah." He says.

I don't want to ask him who it was cos I'm sure it was Catherine. He looks away.

"Come closer, let me wash your hair for you." He says.

I did what I was told and let him rub the bubbles against my hair and I was also doing his hair. His eyes is focused on what he was doing but I was focused on looking at him. I placed bubbles on his facial beard too and he's grinning.

I giggle. "It's still hair." I say.

He laughed and I joined in.

"You look like Santa." I tell.

He smiles and he lands his jaws on my face playfully. He wipes the bubbles from his beard against my cheek and I squealed as it gets closer to my lips.

"Nick!!" I screamed.

I couldn't stay mad at him longer than a day. I always end up forgiving him and ignoring what he did no matter how horrible it is.

He pulled himself away and laughed. His eyes gotten chinky and he bent his head back. I love when he laughs like that cos he looks so happy and it looks so natural.

"Lie to me again Nick." I say.

He stopped laughing right away and looked at me. Both of us went serious and got silent. He smiles at me and wiped the bubbles off from his face. I had the urge to hear that lie from him. I wanted to hear him say it to me again even though I know he doesn't mean it.

"Tell me a lie." I demanded.

He looked me straight into the eyes.

"I love you." He says.

And it always makes me feel better even though it's just a lie.

__________

SFTC:

A Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz