Love, Milo

‘So, Milo,’ Ruth, Raelynn’s mother, starts, and she lowers her fork onto her plate. ‘When do you plan on proposing?’

I nearly choke on the rice, traveling halfway down my throat. Raelynn holds her mouth shut beside me to prevent spitting water out.

Propose? We aren’t even together.

Giving a quick clear to my throat before speaking, ‘If I tell you, it won’t be a surprise,’ I laugh heartedly, hiding my shock.

Raelynn, behind me, sets her glass of water down on her dinner table. ‘Don’t you think it’s a little too early for marriage, mom?’

I look around the table at the faces. Ruth, Gia, and David—Her dad—all look around knowingly. I can’t help but feel like I’m intruding on this family dinner. Raelynn and her mom have been throwing one another daggers with their gazes. Gia has spoken about her wedding numerous times, and David hasn’t really spoken at all other than an attempt to scare me with passive-aggressive threats.

‘Early?‘ Ruth exclaims. ‘It’s been two years, hasn’t it?’ Zero years, actually. ‘Gia got engaged six months after Dallas, and she got together.’

Gia nods her head in confirmation.

Raelynn huffs impatiently at my side, sliding her fork around her plate. She hasn’t really eaten a full bite since we sat down thirty minutes ago.

‘Well, it’s a good thing not everyone wants to be Gia, mom. I get it, she’s perfect. Isn’t that right, Gia?’ her voice rises. The tension spewing off of her runs a chill down my spine. I hate seeing her so agitated.

From beneath the table, I slide a hand on her thigh to feel it shaking rapidly. My thumb rubs against the side, her simple spring dress allowing me to do so.

‘Don’t bring me into this,’ says Gia, raising her hands. ‘I’m a bystander.’

‘You’re already in it. You’ve been in it since I was born, since all I’ve ever been compared to is my amazing older sister.’ The sarcasm drips off her words. She scoffs. ‘I mean, God forbid anyone fucks before they’re married—’

‘Raelynn!’ Ruth shouts.

‘Oh, sorry, Mom. Did you not like hearing your own fucking words? Don’t pretend you’re some kind Christian mother because Milo’s in front of you because I promise you, he will hear every crappy thing you’ve ever done to me.’

Ruth’s jaw locks as she stares intently at Raelynn, her grip on her fork concerningly tight.

‘Well, I’m sorry I tried to discipline you! You were careless, and you’re lucky any man wants what’s left of you, let alone this one.’ She points to me, and the brewing anger is now rising.

It pisses me off the way she speaks to Raelynn. The same way my father’s words had. I grind my teeth, sitting back in my chair, my hand still set on Raelynn’s leg, the only thing stopping me from setting off.

Raelynn stands, and my hand slips to the back of her knee. ‘I know this is shocking, but I don’t need a man. I have one because I chose to. He’s here because I allowed him to be.’

‘Does he know about your past?’

‘My past is no one’s concern but my own!’ Her voice is nearly at shouting level, shaky and uneven.

‘Does he know you were with a different boy each night? How I’d be so afraid something happened to you only to find out my daughter was just screwing any boy that looked in her direction!’ She laughs menacingly, shaking her head.

I stand up with Raelynn, attempting to end this, but she puts a hand on my chest before I can speak. ‘You know what?’ Raelynn scoffs, shaking her head and holding a finger to her mother.

Raelynn eyes turn glossy. ‘Yeah, I had sex, Mom. That’s what teenagers do; they have SEX!’

Ruth stands, slamming her hand on the table. “You ruined this family’s name!’

‘All you ever care about is your fucking reputation,’ her voice cracks. ‘You couldn’t brag about having a virgin daughter. Well, too fucking bad.’

Ruth laughs. ‘Never mind you being a virgin. That was out the window a long time ago. It was the fact you were careless. A baby and abortion at nineteen? You hadn’t even gotten your first job. You lived with me, and you—’

‘Was raped!’ The two words spewed from Raelynn echo through the house, bouncing off the walls surrounding us and hushing the room. ‘I was raped, mom.’

Emotion leaves with her words like her soul was used to create them, hitting me square in the heart despite me knowing already.

Gasps follow from Gia, a hand falling over her mouth and a pained look on her face. The father looks at Raelynn, confused.

Had they not known? None of them?

Tears stream down Raelynn’s face and her body shakes. I slide a hand onto the small of her back, but she hits my hand responsively.

‘Stop!’ she shouts at me, turning. The anger in her eyes dissipates when she looks at me as if she wants to apologize but just shakes her head. ‘Please, just… don’t.’ She whispers, whipping her tears from her cheeks.

‘Raelynn,’ Gia says. ‘What are you talking about? When did this happen?’

Raelynn rolls her eyes. ‘I think this is over. Everyone should get going.’ She grabs her plate, but her hand wobbles too much to pick it up.

I reach forward and take the plate from her. ‘I’ll get it later, love,’ I say softly.

Her bloodshot eyes blink, tears falling as she hugs herself. She’s scared, like a kid lost in a mall. She stands with the announcement of her rape floating in the air.

‘Raelynn,’ her mother walks around the table, her voice low. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

She swallows. ‘I tried. I tried, Mom, and you didn’t listen to me.’ Her voice strains. ‘The only thing you heard was the word pregnant; the next thing I know, I was off at the abortion center. Several awful words followed.’

My chest twists, my heart aching with the words I’m hearing. That bastard needs to rot for what he’s down to her. The pain he’s caused her. And so does her mother.

‘I didn’t know,’ Ruth shakes her. She reaches for her daughter’s arm, but Raelynn yanks it back.

‘I said to get out. All of you.’

Gia stands up, nodding and crying, giving me one goodbye glance and a sad smile before going to find her things in the front. David also looks pained, though not a word to show his sympathy, as he leaves the dining room hastily.

Ruth stands before us, and Raelynn backs away behind my arm.

Ruth speaks, ‘Raelynn—’

‘She said to leave,’ I interrupt, my voice low and asserting.

‘I’m speaking to my daughter. I like you, don’t make me change that.’

I step forward, looking down at her, Raelynn standing quietly behind me. ‘It seems my kindness was given too loosely, hm? I don’t care if you like me or not; once you disrespected Raelynn, you became unimportant to me, and neither am I here for you to ‘like me.’ I know you know nothing about me, but I’ll make sure you see what I’m capable of if you don’t leave this apartment in the next ten seconds.’

A scoff leaves her lips, and her nose flairs as if offended. Good, be offended. It’s probably not even a quarter of the pain I know Raelynn has been through.

I feel Raelynn latch on to my arm, hugging it close to her body for comfort.

‘What are you inciting? That you’ll hit an old woman? What does that say about you then?’ Ruth crosses her arms across her chest.

I clap my hands behind my back. ‘Hit you?’ I shake my head. ‘I don’t need to hit anyone to ruin their lives. I can call a publisher, and in about twenty minutes, they can, and will, concoct and publish just about any story I want into the local newspapers. Now, if you want to keep your job and your sacred family name, you now have three seconds to get the hell out of our faces.’ My face stays flat, drowning my anger for Raelynn’s sake.

Ruth shakes her head, turning around and waving me off while mumbling to herself. I watch her grab her bag, and her thing’s angrily, following the other family members who’ve already made their way out the door.

The door shuts with a slam, the sound leaving static behind.

I close my eyes immediately to cool myself for the precious woman behind me. turning to Raelynn, who unlatches my arm and begins sobbing.

The muffled wails fill the room, and my eyes drop in sadness. She turns to the dining table and starts to clean it as tears fall from the dirty plates.

‘Raelynn,’ I call out of her. ‘Raelynn, look at me.’

She shakes her head, her cry hitching, shaking her chest rapidly as she inhales. ‘No, Milo, just go home.’ She grabs the stacked plates and carries them to the sink, dropping them in and turning on the water.

‘Please, love, talk to me.’

‘I just want to be happy! I want to have a family— someone that cares. Dad didn’t even look at me after I said what happened. How do you hear your daughter’s been raped and not say a word? I just, I can’t breathe, Milo.’ She grips the edge of the sink, and I walk up behind her, long sobs falling from her lips.

I slip my hands around her waist and stomach, the back of my eyes burning for her as she lets me touch her. I shut the water off and turned her around, bringing her into my arms. She clings to me as her life depends on it.

‘I care,’ I tell her, kissing the side of her head. ‘So much more than you may know.’ She sniffles with cries against my chest, and her heart beats rapidly. I repeat the words, kissing her head again.

My head falls to her ear. ‘Meeting you was by far the best thing to happen to me in the last seven years, Raelynn.’

She tightens her grip on me, her arms wrapped around my chest. Her cries soften, growing quiet with my words of comfort, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

I stand here with her for several minutes, stroking her back and kissing her head now and again as she digs her head into my chest.

I wish I could cheer her up; I want to cheer her up. I want nothing more than to see a smile on her face right now, and I think I know somewhere and something that’ll do just that.

‘Come on,’ I say.

She lifts her head from my cheek, her eyes puffy and red and her nose glowing a shade brighter. I wipe a tear away with my thumb and slide it down to take her hand in mine.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.

‘Where?’

I bring her hand up to my lips and kiss her knuckles. ‘Somewhere you can breathe, darling.’

***

Driving in the USA will always confuse me, especially when I come home from visiting my mom’s side of the family in London.

With the whole wheel on the other side, deal. But I adjust quickly, just like I do with many things, just like I did with Raelynn.

My hand sits on her thigh. Her dress has ridden up a bit, showing a tattoo I haven’t noticed before on the upper thigh. A snake twirls in an S shape.

I slide my finger against it and look back at the road.

‘Nice tattoo,’ I say, breaking the silence.

‘Thanks.’ She whispers. ‘I got it to cover some of my scars.’

My lips turn down. I know the feeling. For the first time, I want to tell someone about mine. The long white scars run in all directions across my back. The scars that engrained into my flesh the permanent evidence of how cruel my father can be. I want to show Raelynn. Show her she isn’t alone in that aspect, just like she taught me without even realizing it.

‘You’re beautiful,’ I say, glancing at her. ‘All of you.’ Her head drops a little, hair falling over her face as she flushes. She doesn’t need to say thank you; that reaction will be enough for me every single time.

I stop my car in front of our designation and unbuckle my seatbelt.

Raelynn leans in her chair and looks in front of us. ‘The Brooklyn Bridge?’ She questions curiously.

I nod, unbuckling her even though she knows how to do it herself. In the small compartment of my car, I open it and pull out two of the three locks in there. Genesis usually forgets her locks for her track lockers at home, so I keep spares in here.

Holding it up, I show her the lock and smirk.

‘What are you up to?’ She laughs softly, and it makes my heartbeat quicken.

‘Stay here.’

I exit the car and walk around to her side, opening the door and offering my hand.

She giggles. ‘Being a gentleman, hm?’ She takes my hand and steps out.

I close the door. ‘My mother raised me to treat the women I adore with high respect.’

She’s looking at me with soft, large eyes, like she was questioning whether my words were real or not. I lock her hand in mine and begin walking along the famous bridge.

The sky above displays the full moon. No clouds fog the sight either; only the glow of the many sky-scraping buildings behind us illuminates the otherwise night. The wooden floor of the bridge beneath us slows a breeze from the East River below to seep through. Raelynn looks at the water, fascinated and intrigued by the waves and the singular speed boat shooting past.

She looks up at the structure of the brown bridge, her mouth parted slightly and her eyes wide with excitement.

‘Have you never been to the Brooklyn Bridge before?’ I ask her.

She looks at me and shakes her head. ‘No, I never had a reason to.’

A smile grows on my face. I’m her reason now.

When I get to the section of the bridge I want, I stop her stride and turn her to the patterned metal fence of the bridge where hundreds and maybe even thousands of locks sit hanging.

Her jaw drops as she looks at them all. ‘Oh my God,’ she whispers, grinning. ‘There’re so many!’ She drags her hand across some of the locks. ‘I knew people did this. I never actually thought there was—awe. This one says, my dog and I forever,’ She pokes her bottom lip out, looks at me with the lock connected to the metal in her hand, and then drops it.

‘I heard this is a tradition in New York. It signifies a bond and relationship that won’t break. I wanted us to join it.’ I had the lock with my pointer finger. She looks at it, walking closer to me.

‘Really?’ She looks at me with hope and then back at the lock.

I nod, ‘Yes, darling.’

Slipping out the sharpie and uncapping it, I write on the lock a small note on the front, and then on the back, I write the date at the bottom:

I adore you, Raelynn Garcia
—Love, Milo
March ‘21

I show her the lock, and she gasps softly.

‘I love it,’ her eyes twinkle with tears as she slowly takes it from my hand. She grins, and I smile at her so hard my cheeks hurt.

She takes the Sharpie from my hand. flips the lock and begins to write. A moment later, she lowers it and hands it to me. ‘I think it’s done now,’ she says.

I take the lock and read the other side:

I admire you, Milo Evans
—Love, Rae ♡

My stomach twists with a weird flutter, and my cheeks burn fiercely.

Without a second to spare, I grip her waist and pull her flat against my body, dropping my forehead against hers and kissing her. Hard.

She grips my shoulders, and I swallow her giggles, leaning her backward into the kiss, not feeling close enough, but can’t possibly get any closer.

I keep the kiss slow, cautious of how fast my mouth is moving, cautious of the placement of my hands, keeping them just above her tailbone.

She grabs my face between her hands, rubbing her thumbs against the rubble on my cheeks and squeezing, puckering my lips. She looks at me.

‘Meeting you is the best thing to happen to me, too, Milo.’ She pecks me once on my puckered lips and lets go.

‘So much for pretending,’ I say before letting go of her and locking the lock around one of the flat metal lines of the fence. It sits with the others, labeling this very day.

I look back at Raelynn, and she’s biting her lip with a smile.

I tilt my head. ‘Did this cheer you up well, love?’

She nods. ‘Yes, but I want to go to your apartment now.’

I take her hand in mine and walk alongside her, making way for a biker to ride past. ‘Tired already? It’s only ten.’

She shakes her head and raises herself on her tiptoes so people walking past can’t hear the words she whispers in my ear.

‘No, I want to try your tongue again.’