LOVING THE REJECTED BILLIONAIRE

“Listen, Tania. I won’t refute that I feel something for you. I do feel something. I like you. I like that you are getting along well with Angel. I admire your nobility and your openness. You are an excellent girl. But you see, every affair, requires an essential thing called trust. Without trust, there is no nothing, and that’s something I don’t have. I can not trust again. I have nothing to offer you.”

I was about to ask myself if it is practical to love someone you can not trust, but then I recall he said “like”. He just likes me. He likes me that is why he has been kissing me so passionately. He likes me so much and that is why he was so aggrieved last night because I did not let him kiss me. Wow! I like his fucking way of liking!

I take my maced…. whatever tea and start taking huge sips to calm myself. He takes his tea too, and we drink in silence. Through the corner of my eyes, I can see him stealing glances at me once in a while, but I do not care to look at him.

It is okay if he does not love me. It’s fine if he only likes me. That is the process, right? You begin by liking someone, then you learn to trust that someone, and finally love hits you. What I can not understand is why he can not trust me. I am not like everyone who left him. I am not like his wife who abandoned him and his daughter. It hurts me so much to think that he sees no difference in me from them. But what can I do? I believe there are things you can not force. One of those things is trust and love. And the biggest problem with Andy is that he does not want to trust again. He closed that door a long time ago, and he is not willing to open it to anyone. His insecurities can not allow him. I doubt there is anything I can do to change his mind.

I put my empty cup on the table. His is lying there too, also empty. “Can I go now?” I implore standing up, but he yanks my hand. “What Adrian?” I didn’t intend to snap, but it came out that way.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“You have said everything there is to say so let me go, please.”

He stands in front of me, still holding my hand. “No. You have not told me what you want. Tell me now what is in your heart. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“There is no point in that anymore.”

He gawks at me, and I do the same refusing to be intimidated by his demeanour.

What is the use of him knowing what I feel if he knows nothing will happen?

He pulls me back to the seat, guiding me to sit which I don’t object to. He kneels in front of me, resting his hands on my thighs. My short dress better behave.

“Let’s talk like two adults. Listen, I won’t judge you, that I can promise. I just want us to understand each other. Talk to me, please.”

I feel his thumbs on my thighs enjoying the contact with my bare skin. His pheromones are not helping either, but I get a hold myself.

“I love you, Adrian Ashton. That is what I feel. I don’t know how it happened, but it just did. I fell in love with you, Andy. Is that so hard for you to understand?”

“It is impossible to love Adrian Ashton.”

“According to who?” I query.

“According to me and it has been proven time and again and again until I embraced it, and made peace with it, until now.”

“Maybe you closed that door way too soon. Don’t you want to… try again?”

He stands up, running his hands through his hair. “Maybe I could, if only it was just about me. But there is Angel. I don’t want my daughter to get hurt just in case?”

In case I leave you. In case this doesn’t work. That is it. You have been relinquished by everyone, and now you don’t want to be with anyone. Somehow I understand you, and I censure those who inflicted so much pain on you and made you turn out this way. I wish you can allow me to mend the broken pieces of your heart. I wish you can give me a chance to prove to you that true love still exists and that you are not impossible to love. I just want you and Angel to be happy.

I will make an effort to change your mind one last time. Just one last time, Andy. If you still remain adamant, I will let go. I will accept that you can not love me. I will return to being just your maid.

I stand up, arms crossed to my chest, and I walk to him, looking into his beautiful eyes. “As early as now, you are already thinking of me leaving you. You think I am like your wife who left you? You think I am no different from everybody who left you before? You can’t keep judging people because of the mistakes of others. Just because some people didn’t value you doesn’t mean that nobody will. You are a good man, easy to love. You know, Andy, all those who left you, are probably living happily somewhere, enjoying life. Why are you refraining yourself from doing the same, Andy?” I move my hands to his sweet straight jaws. “Let go, Andy. Let go of this wall you built around yourself to lock everyone out of your life. Just let go, please.”

“It’s hard Ania. It’s difficult. I can’t.”

“Would you have loved me if we met under different circumstances?” I inquire, and his eyes soften.

“Maybe. But I am a very complicated man now. I will only hurt you.”

“I will get hurt if only you say you feel nothing for me. If you tell me that my kisses mean nothing to you. Tell me you don’t want to taste me right now, Andy. Tell me you don’t yearn for me even now that we are this close. Look into my eyes and tell me you feel nothing.” I challenge him.

“Don’t do this Ania, please.” He says, closing his eyes but moving his hands to my waist, and I move closer, closing the gap between us.

“look at me, Andy.” He opens his eyes, full of lust and desire. Why does he keep withholding this? His eyes don’t lie, that’s for sure. “It’s there in your eyes, Andy. Your eyes don’t lie, do you know that? The longing, the desire. You just don’t want to accept it.” I pluck him to rest his forehead on mine, and a very dirty thought crosses my mind.

I dip my middle finger in his mouth slowly, and his eyes shoot open.

Oops!