Mated In Chaos: The Broken Mate

Elara

‘Zuriel did it. He asked them to make it,’ Ara is excited in my mind. Does he remember when I told him my favorite food? I glanced at him, but his gaze was out the window. I got my cutlery and dug into my food. A moan escapes my lips as I few on the pasta. The flavors mix so well together.

Everything is so delicious.

I don’t remember when last I ate so much. I opened the other tray when I was done with the pasta, and this time, tears almost escaped my eyes. For dessert, they served a molten lava cake. My favorite dessert. It was so heavenly! I moaned when I took a piece in my mouth.

‘Are you sure you want to moan like that in front of me?’ a low growl escapes his lips. I freeze, mid-bite.

Zuriel is close to me. His eyes stuck on mine. I want to kiss him when my eyes fall on his full lips, but I don’t. I growl at him and continue eating.

‘Do you want some cake?’ I ask.

‘No, but I want you,’ he says. I gape at how bold he is. He raises his phone in my face and takes a picture of me. My mouth is still full of cake.

‘Delete that,’ I say sternly. He shakes his head,

‘I like it. I’m putting it as my wallpaper,’ he says. I grab the phone from his hands. How can anyone like this? My eyes looked too big for my face, my mouth was open, and I had frosting on my mouth. He grabs it back. True to his word, that is his new screen saver.

‘I’m taking a bad picture of you, too,’ I growled.

I get my phone and try to take one bad picture of him. However, the bastard looks like some Greek god even without trying. I throw a cake in his face, trying to make him look bad, but my efforts are futile.

‘This is unfair,’ I give up. I stand against the window, looking at the water around us. I feel hands around my waist. Zuriel’s touch is warm and safe. I lean my back against him, and his arms wrap around me.

‘I’m sorry, Elara,’ he says. I turn to face him.

‘Thank you,’ I say. I slowly raise my hand to put on his chest. He stiffens.

‘Zuriel, why don’t you like to be touched?’ I ask, looking into his eyes. He swallows and tries to move away from me but I hold his hand.

‘I just want to understand why I can’t touch you. I deserve a reason,’ I whisper. He remains quiet. I thought he wouldn’t answer, but he did.

‘When I was about 14 years old. I had a therapist. She was twenty years my senior. She and I were in a relationship for eight years. Let’s just say her touch left quite a startling mark on my body,’

I’m stunned into silence. Zuriel tells me everything about his therapist. I was disgusted, not with him but with the woman. He was a child! She abused and hurt him. I see why he behaved like that. Zuriel fucks women, not make love to them because that was what she taught him. To be as rough as she wanted. To be degraded, it turned her on. She loved to be dominated by him… A child.

Zuriel was sexually abused, and he has a lot of trauma surrounding love and sex. I noticed as he told me.

‘Zuriel, I’m sorry you went through that,’ I whisper. I’m still trying to understand how an adult. A full-grown woman would do that to a child. A developing child. Her patient.

‘It’s not too bad. Other than her touch, I enjoyed myself,’ he says.

‘Zuriel, you were a child. Your mind had not developed. She manipulated you into thinking it’s what you needed. That’s it’s what men did to women,’ I tell him. He only sighs and goes to the bar. I follow him. He grabs a bottle of scotch, but I get it from him.

‘No, we are talking. You won’t drink,’ I say softly.

‘Just a glass, please,’ I nod and pour it for him. He gulps it.

‘Zuriel, I’m your wife, your partner. I know you don’t love me and will never, but I want to touch him when we have sex,’ I tell him. His gaze held so many emotions at once.

My husband takes off his shirt suddenly. I swallow at the sight of his biceps and ripped body. He holds my hand and brings it to his torso.

‘You can touch me. But gently. Only when it’s necessary, okay?’ his voice is vulnerable. I want to hug him, but I don’t want to alarm him so I keep to myself.

He unexpectedly pulls me in his arms. I don’t do anything. I’m stunned. I slowly wrap my arms around him. Ara is squealing in my mind. It is such a big moment for us. It’s the first time he’s embraced me like this. It’s progress on his part in our relationship.

Speaking about his demons might have been a step forward to ease the burden in his heart.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

‘Thank you, Elara,’

‘Anytime,’

I let him hold me as long as he wants. He pulls away from me and caresses my face.

‘Let’s go to bed,’ he sighs. I nod.