Pleasure Unbound

My instincts are slow, my hesitation a mistake I might not live to regret, and then I open my mouth and take a breath before I can stop the reflex. I choke underwater, taking in more liquid, and then shoot upwards to the small glint of light in the approaching dawn.

A hand grabs my ankle and I swallow water this time instead of taking it in my lungs. I kick, but my body is overwhelmed and confused trying to deal with multiple life-threatening situations. I give in and allow myself to be pulled back towards him.

If this guy came off the pier after me, there’s no way he’s letting me go, and there’s no way I’m able to fight him underwater. I’ll drown myself.

His hand leaves my ankle and grabs my upper arm instead, tugging me up to the surface. I break through gasping for air and choking on seawater. Adrenaline races through my blood, a primal reaction to the situation, a true fight-or-flight response. Every muscle tingles as energy is shunted through my body. And as strange as it sounds, my only thought at this moment is how exhausted I’ll be if I live.

Then I snap back to reality. I won’t live if I don’t deal with the hunter.

I scream. His hand cups my mouth, hard, tight, like I just pushed him over the edge.

“Quiet,” he commands into my ear as he flips me over on my back, his other hand reaching under my flailing arm, grasping my chest. “Relax, woman.”

Woman? I’m just a girl. Can’t he see that? Can’t he see I’m just a girl?

He swims towards the shore, dragging me along with him. Every few seconds the Pacific swells, and saltwater pours into my mouth and nose. I swallow, and choke, and then the man lifts me out of the choppy sea so I can gulp some air before it all starts again. After several minutes of struggle his feet find purchase in the shifting sand and he stands, lifting me and cradling me in his arms.

This is my only chance, so I kick my legs up, flip, and twist out of his grip, and make us both fall backward into the crashing waves once more.

I wriggle and he loses his grip on me, but just when I think I can throw him by swimming back out to sea, his hand clamps down on my ankle again. He yanks me back and a pain shoots through my knee as it overextends from the jerk. My shirt rides up along the sandy bottom of the ocean, billowing around my face. Can my luck be any worse today?

I cough and claw at the fabric that threatens to smother me, and this time, there’s no gentle attempt to ease my fears. He flips me over and drags me up the beach until we’re just out of the water, and then he collapses on top of me, his hot breath in my ear. His heaving chest on top of mine. Our heartbeats synchronized with fear or adrenaline or pain, I’m not sure which.

“Please!” I moan as his full weight rests on my small body. “You’re crushing me!”

He doesn’t move, just continues to breathe, his chest drawing in air, making his body move against mine in a way that suddenly feels more intimate than it should. I claw at his back, pushing against the thick muscles of his shoulders.

“Stop,” he says after a few seconds. “You’re bleeding and this struggle will just make it worse.”

“Get off me or I’ll scream,” I growl back at him.

“Scream, then,” he says calmly, his breath not as labored now. “You’ll be arrested for jumping off the pier. I’ll say I saved you. That you were trying to kill yourself. If you scream, life gets complicated very fast. So go ahead. Tell the fucking world you’re down here with me, lionfish. I could care less.”

His rational words, coupled with the pet name he just gave me, are a complete contradiction. I’m suddenly very unsure of myself.

“What do you want?” This time I’m not growling, because he’s right. He must know I can’t afford the attention a scream will bring. “And youUpstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

didn’t save me, I was not trying to kill myself.”

He laughs, causing his hips to grind against me for a second. My breath hitches and a small whimper comes out. This moment of weakness makes him prop his upper body up on his elbows and the seawater rushes in around my face. I panic and squirm, closing my eyes and my mouth, desperate to keep the water out.

Strong hands slip under my head and lift it out of the danger zone, but it’s too late, the adrenaline is too much. The fear takes over and I begin to shake and cry.

“Open your eyes.”

I do not open my eyes. “Just get off me!”

“Open your eyes and look at me.”

“No, just do it. If that’s why you came, then just fucking get it over with!” And now I do cry, because I just started a fight with a very big guy, jumped off the Huntington Beach Pier, got crashed into a support pillar, swallowed water, almost suffocated, and I’ve been caught. By this man who… who… who is making me feel things, I have no business feeling.

He does nothing. His breath is completely back to normal now and I wish I could say the same thing about mine, but I can’t. So he just waits me out as I come to terms with my situation.

I stop crying and laugh instead.

Did I ever think it would end this way? Not in a fight but in total surrender? I am the weakest person alive. I am the weakest person who will

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