Ruled by the Blaze (The Unwanted Marriage)

PATRICIA'S POV (Suffering) Isang linggo na...

Isang linggo na mula no'ng umuwi ako rito sa bahay at mag kulong sa kwarto buong araw. Isang linggo na rin ang lumipas simula ng mawala ang napakahalagang tao na inaasahan kong magsasalba sa'kin sa kalungkutan. Isang linggo na simula ng mawala ang anak ko.

Good thing that the doctor were able to know the gender. It's supposed to be mini me, a girl. Halos sumabog ang dibdib ko ng malaman 'yon. It really broke my heart knowing that I wasn't able to see her. I named her Agatha Celestine, sounds angelic just like her.

Sila mommy ang nag asikaso ng lahat pati ang pagpapalibing.

Hindi pa man ganap na tao ang anak ko pero naging masaya ako kahit saglit. I requested Jess to take a picture of her even though she's not fully formed, even though she looks like a forming blood. She printed that photo and I was so happy, I placed her picture here in my room that I'm staring at every minute.

"Anak, hindi ka ba kakain?"

Rinig kong bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si mommy. Hindi ako natinag at nanatiling nakahigang patagilid, kunwari'y natutulog. Kahit sa pagkain ay pagod na rin ako.

"Patricia..." I could her the tiredness in her voice. "Please, kumain ka kahit kaunti. Hindi ka na kumain kagabi-"

"I'm full," malamig kong tugon at nag talukbong ng kumot.

Bumuntong hininga si mommy. "Paano ka naging busog...hindi ka pa kumakain kahapon pa. Noong mga nakaraang araw ay ilang kutsara lang ang kinakain mo," Hindi ako sumagot at pilit ipinikit ang mata.Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

"I want to be alone, mommy..." I almost whispered.

Alam kong pagod na rin siya o sila na intindihin ako pero hindi ko naman 'yon hinihingi. Gusto ko lang talaga mapag-isa. Everything seems not sinking on me.

I'm still in the urge of hoping. That maybe...all of these are just a bad dream.

But as the days goes by, my sadness and longing were just deepened. Hindi ko nga alam kung kalian ako makakausad.

"Iiwan ko na lang ang pagkain mo rito...but please, eat this,"

Nang marinig kong sumara ang pinto ay nag mulat ako. Dahan-dahan ako'ng tumayo at nakitang mga paborito kong pagkain ang dinala niya. Tinitigan ko lang ang mga 'yon at umupo sa kama. Maya-maya, naramdaman ko na ang mainit na luhang dumaloy sa mukha ko. Umiiyak na naman ako.

"Fuck this life!" I whispered annoyingly.

Humiga ulit ako at ikinulong ang mukha sa unan, doon ako umiyak.

Sa halos isang linggo kong pamamalagi rito sa kwarto, hindi ko alam ang nangyayari sa labas. Wala na ako'ng balita kay Callum at hindi ko rin naman gusto na may marinig tungkol sa kanya. Maraming beses ko siya'ng itinaboy. Nag tangka pa siya pumunta rito. I requested the village to ban him here so he won't bugged me anymore. Even his parents...was asking for my forgiveness to him but I chose not talking to them. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin nila na magandang bagay tungkol sa lalaking 'yon, hindi mababago ang ginawa niya. Siya parin ang dahilan kung bakit ako nawalan ng anak!

"I wish you suffering..." I whispered while remembering that night when I saw them together. "...the both of you,"

Nag patuloy ako sa pag iyak at ng matapos, pinilit ko ang sariling kumain. Noon, takot ako'ng malipasan ng gutom pero ngayon, hindi na. I'm no longer waiting for someone.

Kaunti lang ang nakain ko dahil wala talaga ako'ng gana. Nag pasya ako na pumasok sa banyo para maligo.

Kahit saan talaga ako pumunta, hindi pwedeng hindi ako iiyak kapag naaalala ang nangyari sa'kin. Sumasabay sa pag agos ng tubig sa katawan ko ang mga luha. Napatitig ako sa kamay ko ng pasadahan ko ang aking buhok gamit ito. The diamond ring spark in my finger.

Mas lalong bumuhos ang luha ko. Nanginginig ko itong tinanggal sa daliri ko at inilapag sa sink. Nang matapos maligo ay lumabas ako ng banyo na nakatapis lang ng towel.

Tinignan ko ang repleksyon ko sa malaking salamin. I really looked different now.

I lost weight. It's so obvious on my face and body. Inilakbay ko ang mata pababa sa katawan ko. Wala na ang umbok kong tiyan na palagi kong sinisipat kapag tumitingin sa salamin.

Mapait ako'ng ngumiti at umiling. She will not come back to me anymore.

Lumapit ako sa closet at nag hanap ng isusuot pero nahagip ng mata ko ang mga damit na iniregalo ni Jess.

Punong-puno ng pangungulila na kinuha ko ang mga ito.

"A-Agatha..." I whispered and started sobbing.

Naaalala kong tuwang tuwa pa ako habang inaayos ang mga ito. But who would wear this now? If she's not here anymore...

Umupo ako sa kama habang hawak ang mga ito. Sobrang sakit. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko habang unti-unting niyakap ang mga ito. Umagos ang panibagong mainit na luha sa mata ko at pinatakan ng munting mga halik ang mga damit. I hug it tighter and my tears continuously rolling.

This week I supposed to have my ultrasound and I've also planned to buy some stuffs for my baby but I wasn't able to do that anymore.

She's gone. Agatha left me...

Bago pa ako malunod sa pag iyak ay tumayo na ako at nag palit ng damit. Inayos ko ang sarili ko at nag pasya na lumabas ng kwarto. Dumiretso ako sa pool area at umupo sa swing.

Nakatulala lang ako habang pinanonood ang papalubog na araw.

"Good thing that you chose to left your room..."

Lumingon ako at nakitang papalapit si daddy. He's still wearing his working attire.

Hinalikan niya ako sa ulo bago tumayo sa gilid ko.

"H-How's work, dad?" I asked without even smiling.

"It's good. I'm working harder just like what I promised," he chuckled. "But, I should the one asking you. How are you, Patricia?"

Peke ako'ng ngumiti sa kawalan.

"I don't even know how can I escaped with this cruelty inside me, dad"

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Everything surrounds me feels like choking me. I don't even interact with them. I just want to be alone but sadness always dominates me.

"Don't be too cruel and hard to yourself, Patricia" he sighed. "Talk to us, we're here..."

Hinawakan ni daddy ang balikat ko at hinalikan ako sa ulo.

"I supposed to be happy even without him but with my child," I uttered bitterly. "But what he did, dad? He even get my supposed happiness..." Nangilid na naman ang luha ko. Pinilig ko ang ulo ko para pigilin ang sariling umiyak.

"H-He was there when we buried your child, Patricia. The whole Velasquez. They are very sorry and sending their condolences..." malungkot na sabi ni daddy.

Nakaramdam ako ng poot. Ang kapal talaga ng mukha niya.

"He had the guts to show his face to my child, huh?" I mocked and clenched my fist. "I bet her child felt disgust to him. He was the reason why she died!"

I never thought that I will go in this phase of my life. That I was able to experience this. To marry a random guy just to save our company, developed our feelings and makes me believe that he loves me but ended up wrecking me. Life is really that playful, huh?

Akala ko noon, pagkatalo lang sa mga beauty pageants ang iiyakan ko pero hindi pala. Ngayon, mas masakit pa pala sa pagkatalo ang mawalan.

"He was begging for forgiveness to me and your mom but as a respect to you, we didn't accept him. Hindi rin kami pabor sa mga ginawa niya sayo kahit may utang na loob tayo sa kanila," saad niya at bakas ang dismaya sa boses. "Your mom was so mad to him now,"

Kinagat ko ang labi at hindi na napigilan ang luha. I knew that the moment they found out that I'm pregnant, they're pretty excited just like Mr. and Mrs. Velasquez. Kaya ngayon, ramdam ko rin ang pagkadismaya at lungkot nila sa nangyari. "Even Zara was came to us for apologized..." daddy turned to me. "She was looking for you and seems guilty,"

I shook my head. She's a two face bitch so I'm sure she's pretending. Masaya na siya ngayon dahil wala na ang sagabal sa kanilang dalawa ni Callum!

The way she insults and lay her hands on me, it all flashing back. I hate her. I hate them.

"They can't wipe the pain they brought me with simple sorry, it's no sense!"

"I tell that to at least inform you," daddy caressed my shoulders to calm me. "We're not pushing you to him again. Never,"

"Because I won't let myself get near him anymore, dad"

"Nandito lang pala kayo!"

Sabay kaming lumingon ni daddy at nakita namin si mommy at Jordan na papalapit. Nakangiti sila pareho at nakatitig sa'kin.

"Have you eaten yet?" agad na tanong ni Jordan at umupo sa kabilang swing. "Kamusta pakiramdam mo, ate?"

Bakas sa mukha nila ang pag-aalala.

"I'm still not okay," I answered truthfully.

Rinig ko ang buntong hininga nila at naaninag si mommy na lumapit.

"Ngayon ka lang ulit lumabas ng kwarto mo," aniya at hinaplos ang buhok ko. "Hope you're feeling okay now after cooping on your room for weeks,"

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Medyo nanibago nga ako dahil kadalasan ay si mommy lang ang pinapayagan kong pumasok sa kwarto. Kaya pansin ko na medyo nag bago ang itsura ni Jordan at daddy. Daddy seems so tired and lack of sleep. He was too focused with the company like what he should since mommy don't usually go in the company because she's taking care of me. Si Jordan naman, last year na ngayon sa senior high school.

"Uh, Patricia?" basag ni mommy sa katahimikan. "Tungkol nga pala sa pinag libingan namin kay Agatha...doon namin siya itinabi sa puntod ng lolo mo katulad ng gusto mo," Tumango ako.

"Thank you, mommy...for the efforts,"

Napatitig ako sa mga bulaklak rito sa garden. I loves flowers so much. Tingin ko nga, isa 'yon sa pinag-lihian ko noong buntis pa ako. Every time I saw flowers, I remember my child. "You won't visit her?" tanong ni daddy. "Well, you didn't show up when she got buried,"

Pansin ko nitong nagdaan na linggo, mas naging malamlam at maingat sila kapag nakikipag-usap sa'kin, especially when they talking about my child. They cared about my feelings. "I'll probably visit her next week..." I said but I'm not sure yet.

Hindi ko pa alam kung kaya ko na ba talaga siya'ng puntahan dahil panigurado, iiyak lang ako.

"I'll go with you, ate" malambing na usal ni Jordan. "Kapag bibisitahin mo si Agatha,"

Tipid ako'ng ngumiti kay Jordan bago tumayo. Ramdam ko ang tingin nila sa'kin, tila tinitimbang ang sitwasyon ko.

Mom suddenly cleared her throat.

"I hope you're getting well," she uttered with hope. "I'm looking forward for your interactions with the Velasquez-"

"It won't happen!" I cut off. "I don't want to see them. You're still pushing me to them?"

Marahas ako'ng suminghap. Nanlaki naman ang mata ni mommy at nataranta.

"U-Uh...of course, not" she said nervously. "Naisip ko lang...kailan mo sila haharapin? To make things clear? How about Callum-"

"I said I don't want to hear his name!" I shouted and brushed my hair frustratingly.

Nahigit ko ang hininga sa pag sikip ng dibdib. Pangalan pa lang niya, parang sumisikip na ang dibdib ko. How dare him make me suffer like this!

"Mommy!" pag saway ni Jordan. "Don't open that topic. She's still sensitive!"

"S-Sorry, anak. Hindi kasi mapalagay ang parents niya dahil siya ang sinisisi mo-"

"Because he's really the reason, damn it!" I look at them darkly. "There's no way that I will saw even a shadow of that guy here, even his family!"

I scoffed and turned around. "I will never forgive him for what he did. He wrecked me that's why I'm suffering right now..."

Tuloy-tuloy ako'ng lumakad palayo at dumiretso sa kwarto. Doon ko ibinuhos ang luha dahil sa muling pagka-alala sa kanya.