Strings of Fate

Strings of Fate

Cam 48- Guilt and goals

Bonus

06:33

I try to think of the right thing to say to fix this. Should I just tell him that I love him? Would that even fix anything or just make it worse. I don’t think loving someone is a magical band aid that will make up for treating them poorly. I have seriously screwed this up. Harry is just so easy to get along with and so accepting, it’s hard to see sometimes that there are actually things that hurt his feelings. He might be a demonstrative person, and he’s been honest about his own feelings from day one, but for the most part, he hides how things bother him. He walks around pretending not to care about the assumptions people make about him or the things people say and sometimes I bet he convinces even himself that he doesn’t mind it. But he DOES have feelings and I have just trampled all over them. ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Harry… What you heard us saying… I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I didn’t mean it at all.” I awkwardly force out. Harry scoffs angrily.

“You mean you weren’t using me to drive Simon away?” he demands.

“Well… I was, but it wasn’t JUST that. You knew about my problem with Simon. You even. went along with it at first!” I point out, referring to when he initially told Simon that he and I are together.

“That was fake and we BOTH knew it. This… You let me think it was real. Think that I had something real for the first time in my life. But I guess I was the only one who thought that.” He scoffs the words and turns to leave again..

“It WAS real. I didn’t mean to lie.” I call after him desperately. Harry pauses and without turning back to me, sighs.

“So either it was all fake and you never cared, or it was real and you were so ashamed of it that you couldn’t even admit it to your friend. Is that supposed to make me feel better?” He asks bitterly. He’s on a roll now and keeps talking, whirling back to face me again.

“You know, I was trying so hard. I didn’t want to be dishonest about my feelings or cause any confusion. I didn’t want to make the same mistake that Ryann did and be so scared of my future that I hurt someone. But now I see I’m far more like Simon. I got carried away with my own feelings and didn’t stop to actually confirm that the girl likes me before forcing my affection and company on her. You’ve implied many times that I’m someone who uses women

Cam 48- Guilt and goals

for my own purposes. I didn’t realise you really believed that. But you know what, you are such a hypocrite. At least the women I slept with knew what to expect from me. Meanwhile

you cruelly led me along and used me. I’ve been honest from the start, I’ve NEVER manipulated you.” He snarls the final words. Even now, I can feel a wave of his magic rolling through me. It makes my blood boil and my temper rise.

“Are you JOKING? You manipulate me all the time! You’re doing it right now! Your magic is as constant as you are. I wanted to dismiss it, but how can I trust that? With your magic, you could have ANYONE so why would I believe you would want to waste your time with me?” I’m crying. When did I start crying? Why am I yelling? I wanted to make up with Harry, not yell at him. I didn’t realise I was so angry about his magic, I thought that I had accepted it. It seems like I haven’t really. Still, I immediately regret

my words. I’m about to say something, take it back. Apologise. I don’t know. But before I get the chance, Harry responds, his voice

quiet.

“Clearly you think nothing of me and you have no idea how my magic even works, not that

you would know. You never asked. That should have clued me in earlier to how little you care.

I’m the only one who ever asked questions. I’m done wasting my time with this. You claim I’m all about manipulation and physical relationships. But who would know the difference

between lust and actual emotion better than an Incubus? But it doesn’t matter. You don’t

trust me and you never will. I’m done.” Without another word, he turns and walks away into

the dark streets. I stare after him. I want to stop him, but I feel like anything I : will make it worse. He’s partially right. I didn’t trust him completely. With my safety yes, but with my heart? My happiness? I’ve been waiting for this to end from day one and yet now

that it has I’m struggling to believe it.

I stand in the carpark staring after him and shivering in the cool night air until Cora approaches me and gently drops a hand on my shoulder.

“Cam? Maybe you should head home. I don’t think you can work like this. I can close up tonight.” She says gently, her voice full of sympathy. I nod mindlessly. I don’t want to work right now anyway. I’m not sure I want to go home either, but I have to do SOMETHING.

“Okay, thanks.” I tell her in a monotone. I’m about to leave but Cora catches my hand, squeezing my fingers tightly.

“I’m sorry I said what I said. I should have thought it through.” She apologies. I shake my head and sigh.

+11

Вог

06:

“I’m the one who said it in the first place. Do you… uu you um … over this?” I ask, not sure what I want her to say. Cora shakes her head.

3

“No, he was good to you…And… for hat it’s worth… I haven’t felt a hint of Harry’s magic in months. Not since he first became interested in you.” She admits softly. My eyes widen. I assumed that everyone was getting hit with his magic. I thought I was getting it worse purely because of the amount of time we’ve been spending together. But Cora hasn’t been feeling it at all? I really need to learn more about how Incubus magic works. I’m an idiot for not asking someone sooner. That, at very least, is something I can do. I can learn more about Incubi. I don’t know if Harry will give me another chance, but if he does, I won’t make the same mistake again. Determined to find a way to fix things, I head home. The walk feels longer than usual and I know why. I spend the walk thinking about exactly what it is I did wrong so that I can try to make it right. I never REALLY gave Harry a chance. I told myself I was, and I was dating him, but it was under the assumption that it would end and that it would never really go anywhere. I had one foot out the door from the start. He isn’t wrong, I WAS kind of using him, even though I told myself he would be okay with it I knew it wasn’t right or fair to

to see him. Harry was also right that I haven’t put in the work to get to know him. He comes to me, my home, my work, he chose dates and activities based on what I would enjoy doing. We discussed my family issues, my magic and my goals for the future. I complained about his magic, but he’s never done a single thing without my express consent. Never kissed me, pushed anything on me. Even when it came to my relationship with my family he has never came to my relationship with my family he has never pressured me or tried to force his opinion on me. Sure, he teases me a lot, but it’s basically a game at this point and I don’t think I want him to stop. I had a very serious childhood and just being around Harry has shown me more ways I can enjoy life and not take myself too seriously. I make a list of what I need to do.

1- Learn about Harry’s magic.

2- Apologise to Harry properly.

3- Confess my feelings properly.

4- Put more effort into getting to know Harry.

5- Stop thinking about our relationship as temporary.

Now if only I had any idea how to accomplish any of these things.

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