Chapter 3: Night of Mistake
What I have right now, who I am right now started years ago when I broke up with my long-time boyfriend, Axel. I thought that together, we will build our own happy family. That together, we will live on one roof, with our kids completing each day of our life. But everything vanished, everything faded just because of his mistakes.
All our dreams together… all the happy memories that we have before got wasted because of him. I thought that I already found a man with whom I going to spend my life. I thought that I already found my prince charming, that I already found my almost a fairy tale love story. But yeah, who I am fooling to? Fairy tales aren’t real. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Having a man slash a prince charming was so hard to find. They were rare and unfortunately, Axel-my boyfriend, my childhood best friend-is not one of them.
“So, what are your plans for our sixth anniversary, babe?” he asked while his face buried on my neck. I can feel his breath, fanning my skin which gives me tickles.
He was fond of doing that. Burying his face on my neck and then intentionally tickling me. At first, it was uncomfortable for me but since it was him, I let him. But that was my mistake. I shouldn’t have to trust him as he goes too far from my limit. Tickling me is okay but it was then followed by licking, kissing, and putting marks on my neck. I must admit that it gives me pleasure so just like before, I let him continue not until our sixth anniversary came.
We just have our dinner date and after that, he brings me home straight. While we are in his car, he told me that he wanted to spend a night with me. It was not a problem at first as I am used to spending a night with him too before. I going to his unit or he, going to mine for a sleepover. But when we reach my apartment, the imperfection in our relationship takes place.
It started from the thing he usually does to me, tickling me until he started licking and kissing my neck. I let him but the next thing he does scares me, making me push him with all my strength. For our five years of relationship, I only let him kiss me… nothing more, nothing less. So when I felt his hand slowly touching me, squeezing my breast… it gives me panic.
“What?!” he asked, raising his voice all of the sudden. He stared at me with a visible frustration in his eyes. “I thought you love me, Alice. Didn’t you tell me that you love me?!”
“Y–yes, I l–love you…” I startled.
He massages the bridge of his nose before looking up, with his fingers brushing his hair. He then faced me again, red color tinged his face slightly. “You love me… then why are you doing this to me?”
“Axel… I’m not yet ready,” I reasoned out. “Yes, I love you but if you’ll going to ask for this, sorry but I can’t.”
“I waited for five damn years, Alice! I waited and understand you. Tonight is our sixth anniversary and yet, there’s still no score between us. What the heck! Do you really love me or are you just playing with me?”
“Axel, I already told you… I love you!” I yelled.
“Then give me what I want. Prove to me that you love me.”
I instantly shook my head making him curse loud, punching the wall.
“If you really love me, then let’s have sex tonight.”
“No! I can’t! If love for you is all about sex then leave, I don’t want your love anymore. You can’t force me into what you want for me to prove to you that I love you. You know I love you, Axel… you know how much I love you but if you’ll going to ask for sex, sorry. I am not yet re–” I can’t able to finish my words that night when Axel stormed out of my apartment.
That night, instead of happiness… loneliness eats me. I cried all night until the next morning. It was then followed on the following days when Axel didn’t show himself to me. I called him many times but he didn’t pick up his phone until two weeks already passed. I blame myself because of what happened. It was me who did a mistake that’s why he treat me that way, he avoided me. Days and nights I cried until I finally came to a decision that never in my wildest dream I will do just to prove to him that I truly love him.
As a woman who believe in preserving myself until my wedding day came, it was really hard for me to give up my virginity. Axel knew that I have no experience and for years of our relationship, he respect my decision. But because of that night, I have set aside my belief for the man I truly love.
Two weeks after our quarrel, I decided to give myself to him. Maybe I must give what he wants-that’s what I thought on my way to his unit. I was planning to surprise him and even prepared myself for my first experience with the man I see myself forever. I dressed well, far from the shirt and jeans outfit I am used to. I even seek my friend’s help on choosing my clothes as wearing tight and sexy dresses aren’t my thing. All thanks to Helena-my best friend – for helping me from choosing my outfit to putting makeup on my usually bare face.
It was supposed to be my surprise but I was the one who got a surprise from him when I finally arrived at his unit. Everything seems normal that night. The hallway to his unit was clear, engulfed by tranquility. All I could that time is the click sounds coming from my six inches high heels as well as my breathing which is rough because of sudden excitement and nervousness. The smile on my face that I am wearing while I am still at home didn’t fade not when I came in silently to his unit.
I could still remember how the bottle of wine I was holding dropped to the floor, making it break into pieces as I felt how my heart also shattered into tiny pieces while I am looking at him. While I am tearfully witnessing his sin together with a blonde hair coquette. I could still remember how the bold sound coming from their body as the man whom I thought my prince charming is pumping from behind.
Seconds passed and the way how Axel and the woman reach their climax completely destroyed me. Not just as Axel’s girlfriend but as a woman who has pride. But because of what they did, it felts like my pride sank into the deepest part of nowhere. When I finally have the chance to confront them, Axel’s words slapped me so hard. Giving a bruised on my whole being that seems so hard to get healed with.
“Accept the consequence of your choice, Alice. What you have seen is nothing but all your fault. If you just give me what I asked to you that night, then this will never happen to us. You choose to be untouched until our wedding day but heck! That’s too far from now! I can’t wait anymore. God knows how much I tried to be faithful in our relationship but this is too much… six years of waiting is too much. I’m still a man, with needs that should be fulfilled and it was you that was supposed to do the favor but what did you do? You don’t even let me to touch you so don’t blame me if I find another girl to warm my bed!”
Those are the exact words he said that made me feel so useless. He’s right… I am his girlfriend but yet, I can’t warm his bed. The blame is on me… the fault is all mine.
On the same night, I broke up with Axel, and with an unexplainable pain lies in my heart, I went to an unfamiliar place to me. A place where there are lots of drunk people inside, almost making out in every corner of the place. As I watched them, it seems like it was easy for them to do the hardest thing to me. For them, making out seems so easy… they seem unbothered.Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.
As I drank myself with bottles of liquors, I also felt how the pain subside and it was then completely faded when a man in his business suit appeared. Offering his company to me that I didn’t hesitate to accept. We both drank that night at the bar counter. I still remember how he offered me a drive home before everything for me went vague. Too blurry to remember. All I can recall on what happened is the next morning when I woke up in a bed with the same man I drank within the bar.
I lying on a bed next to him with no clothes under the thick mattress. And when I tried to move, I was immediately stopped by the soreness in between my thighs. But even though the pain makes me winced and cursed to hell, I forced myself to get up. Wrapping the mattress around my worn-out body. However, what I have done is a wrong move for my eyes popped out from their sockets as they landed on the naked body of the man. There were still traces of the sin we made. Those scratches in his back which I think I made hunt me even after I run away, leaving him still unconscious.
“You did what?!” It was Helena who almost freaks out while we are inside a cafe, having a cup of warm coffee.
I pulled her to sit down. “Can you please calm down?” I whispered hard.
She brushed her curly hair with her fingers while shaking her head on me. “You broke up with Axel. You accidentally gave yourself to someone you don’t even know. Yet you’re here, asking me to calm down. Can you f*cking tell me how can I f*cking calm down, Alice? What have you down is not calming, you know.”
I rolled my eyes before locking it to a slice of cheesecake in front of me. I took a spoonful amount of it and devoured its soothing taste.
“I felt so stupid, Helena…” I trailed and just for a while, I felt the lid of my eyes water until a drop of tear rolled down to my cheeks. “I refused Axel when he asked me for sex but yet, I only give what he wants to unknown man. It feels like I cheat on him, Helena.” I sniffed.
“Cheat?! You didn’t cheat on him, Alice. Have you forgotten what you have said? You told me that you caught him having sex with another woman. So means, Axel is the one who cheated on your relationship. Don’t blame yourself.”
“Yeah, we’re already on that. I saw him with another woman but my point here is what I have done. Helena, I have sex with a stranger. I don’t even know that man, even his name!” I frustratedly reasoned out.
Helena chuckled. “Let’s just hope that there’s nothing more happened to you, Alice.”
My brows knotted. “What do you mean?” I asked, confused. But instead of answering me, she trailed me down until her eyes settled on my belly.
At first, I didn’t know what’s the meaning behind that but after weeks, my life is bound to change. That night of mistakes changed my life forever.