The Hidden Princess At All-Boys Alpha Academy

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He shrugs, stopping there, perhaps sensing that I don't want all the details. Or wanting to keep them for himself. But I don't begrudge him that.

I frown a little, though, at this phrasing. "So..." I say carefully, softly. "Did you not..."

*If you're asking if I wanted to," he murmurs, lifting his eyes to mine. "I did. That wasn't...the problem."

"Was there a problem?"

"No," he replies, earnest. "I mean, I liked it. I liked it a lot. We did it again, a couple more times after that day. They sent us out into the woods more often, and we'd collect wood, and sometimes she'd be there and sometimes she wouldn't. But when she was there, I was thrilled - and she was happy too, I could tell. We got closer, enjoyed each other's company, liked..." he sighs, and shakes his head a little like he doesn't know how to explain it. "We liked the physical stuff too I know we did."

"That's good, though," I murmur, reaching out a hand and lightly tracing my fingers through his hair. "Isn't it?"

"Yeah," he says. "I just...I mean, after...actually, I don't now how long it lasted. But it just stopped. They sent me out into the woods still, but I just gathered wood, and brought it back, and she wasn't there anymore. I never heard from her again, never...I mean, I don't know what happened to her."

My heart sinks, worried now. Because...what the hell is going on in his world, that his girl was able to find him for a season and then disappear? Was she some kind of magical fae? Some figment of his imagination?

I watch him carefully and we're both quiet for a long couple of moments.

"How do you feel about it?" I ask quietly, not knowing precisely how to feel myself and wanting his guidance. Because, on one hand, that sounds like....well, kind of like a perfectly lovely and acceptable way to lose your virginity. Two young people meeting in the woods, attracted to each other, not really knowing what they're doing and it just...happens. Update first at NôvelDráma. Org.

But somehow, I know that it's more complicated than that for Jacks.

*I feel really weird about it, Ari," he murmurs, looking down at his hands. "I feel torn. Because, on one hand, she's a really nice girl and I'm grateful to her for being so kind to me. Like, you can't understand what it was like - we didn't even know we were unhappy in the barracks, not really, because...we didn't have anything to compare it to. But those handful of hours, stolen with Tasha in the woods..." he looks up at me now, and the sheer emotion on his face almost bowls me over. "She made me to want more, Ariel. She taught me to want more."

I nod, letting him know that I understand - or that I'm starting to. I sense, though, that there are so many layers to this - a depth of complication and emotion that I can't even get to, because not even Jackson has gotten there yet.

"What's the other hand?" I murmur, continuing to run my fingers through his hair.

"The other hand," he says, his voice dropping a little in anger. "Is that... didn't even....know what was happening. I was so embarrassed when I found out."

I frown at him for a moment, not getting, and he inhales deeply, figuring out how to explain.

"I hadn't had sex before, obviously," he murmurs, staring off into the distance. "But I had done...stuff. To myself... you know. When I was alone."

A little blush creeps onto his cheeks, and I smile a bit, continuing to stroke my fingers through his hair, because it is weird to talk about masturbation with people. Such a personal thing - something we're taught to keep hidden away, Jackson probably more than anyone else.

"So," he continues, taking a breath and moving briskly on, "the sensations themselves weren't really a surprise. Though, sex is..." he puffs out a breath and raises his eyebrows, like sex is just a whole other world from getting yourself off alone in bed.

I sigh a little, because I wouldn't know, and Jackson smirks as he glances at me. "Sorry," he murmurs.

"No, don't be," I say, a little sarcastic. "I mean, I tried to find out this morning..."

He laughs and glances at me, but I murmur assurances that I'm just teasing him, and he nods, continuing, his spirit a bit brighter.

"What were you embarrassed about?" I prompt, wanting to know.

Jackson exhales a long breath.