Tore Up (Mississippi Smoke Series Book 1)

The familiarity of the evening felt like a well-rehearsed act was playing around me. I knew this scene and the one after it. They all bled into the next, then hit repeat. The only thing that was different was me. My smile was fake. I had no interest in the story my best friend, Than Carver, was telling, although the others at our table were laughing.

“I Love This Bar” by Toby Keith played over the speakers, and the pungent smell of cigarette smoke and stale beer clung to the air. This had once been what I looked forward to every Friday night—Proof Pony had been letting us in the door and allowing us to drink well before the legal age. It wasn’t something they did for anyone else. They’d have been closed down long ago if they had. We were an exception. The family was always an exception.

Glancing down at my phone, I checked the time. Only thirty more minutes. I needed to leave soon. Saylor wouldn’t be ready to end the night. She’d want me to take her down to the creek or the stables on my family’s ranch. It was something we hadn’t done in a while, and she was getting insecure about us. We’d been together for almost eight years now. Hell, probably even before that. There wasn’t a memory I had from my childhood that she wasn’t connected to. I could read every expression on Saylor Rice’s face. She was … all I had known. Until a little over a month ago.

Than started to order another beer and looked at me. “You want another, or are you still the DD?” he asked.

I had slowly been drinking the one beer I’d ordered. Not because I wanted to make sure someone could drive us all home safely. But I’d let them think that was the reason. Even when Saylor laughed at me. All I had to do was call for a driver. I’d insinuated that I didn’t want to have an employee of one of our fathers knowing what we were doing or going to do later. Which wasn’t a lie. But once I took her home, I had somewhere to be. Someone else to see.

“I’ve got a fucking headache,” I lied. “I’m ready to head out.”

Than frowned as if I’d spoken a language he didn’t understand. His gaze shifted to Saylor, then back to me. “Uh, okay,” he replied. “I need to go see if Gathe is staying or going with us. He’s still working his charm on that redhead.”

Gathe Bowen didn’t give a shit about the redhead. He just wanted a hot fuck. She was new, and that was rare here—Proof Pony was a locals bar. Nothing about the exterior appealed to visitors coming through town.Original from NôvelDrama.Org.

Several of the others left to go get another drink while one couple headed to the dance floor now that Than wasn’t holding court with his storytelling. I stood up, not glancing down at Saylor, but holding out my hand to her so she wouldn’t notice how anxious I was to get out of here. The unspoken questions in Than’s eyes had been easy to ignore. But with Saylor, it was harder.

I loved her. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I also knew I wasn’t in love with her. The realization that I had never been in love with her hit me the moment a pair of eyes the color of a clear sky on a warm summer day looked up at me as I sank deep inside her. I couldn’t even blame it on the fact that I’d taken her virginity. When I’d taken Saylor’s virginity, the fierce emotion to own her, keep her, mark her as mine hadn’t pounded in my chest. But with Halo, it had hit me so hard for a moment that I’d lost my breath.

God, just thinking about Halo made my need to get out of here more urgent. I wanted to turn and run out the fucking door. Leave the people who had been my closest friends since birth behind. I would walk away from them all if I had to. For her. For Halo, I’d do anything.

Saylor slid her hand into mine, and I gently pulled her up as she stood.

“If you drank more than one beer, your headache would go away,” she suggested, then slid her hands up my chest. “And we could go have some fun alone.”

I couldn’t fuck her anymore. The last time I’d done it was a week ago, and the entire time, I’d fought with the tormented ache of my betrayal. I hated myself for it. What had once been familiar and comfortable was wrong. After the call I’d gotten from Halo today, I knew I’d never be able to make myself do that again. There was a truth that was coming, and I had to find the right way to handle it. Saylor might not be who I wanted in my bed and by my side, but she was one of my best friends. Losing that was gonna hurt like a bitch, but it wouldn’t rip my heart out, like losing Halo would do to me.

The choice had to be made, and there was no question who it would be.

“I was out late last night. Bane was hell-bent on making me see the job through,” I told her. That wasn’t a lie.

My older brother was a bastard most of the time, but he was also one of the most lethal men in the family—or rather, the Mississippi branch of the Southern Mafia. My dad had handed the task of breaking me in on the darker side of our business to Bane. It wasn’t like I hadn’t killed anyone before. They’d made me do that when I turned seventeen. Normally, they waited until the age of eighteen for that lesson in life, but Than and Gathe were a year older than me, and we’d gone through all the steps together.

Thankfully, Saylor didn’t push. She could be whiny as fuck when she wanted to be. I was probably the only male on earth who ever told her no.

I draped my arm around her shoulders and headed for the door. Than was over with Gathe and the redhead, but I was ready to go. Get the point across to the two of them I was leaving. There was no changing my mind.

“You didn’t say much about last night,” she said, glancing up at me. “Was it … bad?”

It wasn’t the first time I’d been to the underground cellar on our property, but it was the first time I’d been forced to inflict the punishment on someone. My kills had been limited to gunshots up until last night. No actual blood had coated my hands. I couldn’t say that anymore.

Saylor understood this life. She’d been raised by the former head of the Mississippi branch. Her father’s Parkinson’s disease had reached a point that he had to step down from his position twelve years ago. Seeing as he had only two daughters and no sons, the boss back then, Garrett Hughes, had sent Linc Shephard to take over our branch. The Shephards were the only family inside the Southern Mafia who had been in it as long as the Hughes. Linc’s brother was the head of the Georgia branch. It was a hierarchy thing. Linc’s son, Levi, was one of the current boss, Blaise Hughes’s, closest friends, and no one expected him to leave Ocala, Florida—where the main headquarters were located—to take over when his father stepped down. We all knew that position was going to Bane one day. Other than the Rices, we were the next-oldest family in the Mississippi branch.

I knew she was waiting on a response from me, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I shrugged. “It wasn’t enjoyable,” I admitted. “I don’t get off on it the way I think Bane does.”

She let out a small laugh. It was no secret that my brother was angry, aggressive, rude, and a general asshole.

“You’ll get used to it eventually,” she replied.

Having a girlfriend who knew the family secrets, understood the life, and was a part of it was something I’d once thought made me the lucky one. The others had to hide that from the girls they dated. None of them had ever done serious relationships because of it. That no longer mattered to me. I had a fight on my hands with my father, and I knew it. This wasn’t going to go over well with anyone inside the family.

Everyone expected me and Saylor to marry one day. It would keep the Rice blood inside the Mississippi branch of the family especially since there wasn’t a son to carry it out in their name. Saylor’s older sister, Fia, had married one of the members of the Louisiana branch. The understanding that I’d marry Saylor had been fine with me—until Halo. She’d changed everything.

Stepping out into the fresh air, I let my thoughts go to her. The perfect scattering of freckles on her straight, slightly upturned nose; her pink Cupid’s bow lips that could curl into a sultry smile that made my knees weak; and the delicate scent of strawberries on her skin. My hands literally ached to touch her. Hold her. God, I had to get to her. One more day without seeing her, and I felt like I might go fucking insane.

I heard the screech of tires right before the familiar pop, and maybe if I were my brother, my reaction would have been faster, quick enough. But I wasn’t Bane. Saylor’s scream came before my brain registered the pain, but when it did, I was already going down.

Several thoughts crashed over me as my body hit the pavement. The understanding that I’d been shot was the first one, but it was followed by a rapid-fire series of more: Was this bad? Could I walk away from it? I couldn’t die. Not now.

It was bad. Breathing was getting harder by the second. More tires screeched somewhere in the distance. I heard more gunshots as the car sped away.

This had been on purpose. Who could it have been?

Than was here. He put his gun back in its holster before dropping to his knees beside Saylor who was bent over me as her tears rolled down her cheeks before dropping onto mine.

My eyes found Than. I could see the severity in his grim expression. This wasn’t something I could survive. He was pale. Anguish stared back at me through his gaze.

Saylor was pulled back; I could hear Gathe cursing, and I knew he had taken her. He’d be there for her. Deep down, I’d always known a part of him envied me because he wanted her, yet it was me she loved.

Than slid his hand under my head. “It’s gonna be okay,” he assured me, but we both knew that was a lie.

“No,” I managed to croak out.

I began to feel strangled, as if my lungs were filling with water. The sense of drowning began to escalate.

Halo. Oh fuck! Halo.

I couldn’t die. She needed me. I didn’t want to leave her. I tried to fight against it, to move, but nothing worked.

“Easy,” Than said. “Try to take small breaths.”

He didn’t understand. I couldn’t take any fucking breaths at all. The world was fading. Blackness was seeping in on the edges of my sight. This was death. I’d always wondered if it’d hurt, and I could affirm that going out this way was a fucking bitch.

“Halo,” my voice was barely a whisper, wishing I could tell him where she was. How to find her. That she needed me. Heaviness settled on me before I got the chance.

There was a loud wail in the distance, and then a, “Fuck NO!” came out in a guttural shout from Than’s chest.

It was over.