Unwanted Heat

I shake my head, trying desperately to rid myself of those memories. I desperately need to focus on today and not on the past. I can’t spend my day thinking about him or I won’t be ready for tonight. I wish I could change the decisions I made back then, but it’s too late now and I just need to focus on moving forward. Tonight is my chance at changing my life; I need tonight to go perfect. Bridget sent me Mr. Parker’s schedule of events for the next two weeks that he has requested my attendance at. Even though he is asking about the dates now, I believe it is under the premise that tonight goes on without a hitch.

I need tonight to be absolutely perfect; the last thing I need is my shitty past distracting me. I need to be at the top of my game tonight. I need everything to be perfect. If tonight is perfect then I can quit working at the store and begin saving money so I can get out of this crappy apartment and into a safer neighborhood. Since meeting Mr. Parker earlier in the week, I’ve found myself starting to consider a future beyond this dump. I even looked into taking a few online classes from the local community college but I haven’t decided what I want to work towards yet. Stop getting ahead of yourself, Kenzie.

I mentally criticize myself, I just need to focus on today. If I get my hopes up about the future, something will happen, my plans will be ruined and leave me nothing but disappointed again. It’s nearly five in the morning and although I would rather still be asleep, I know it’s highly unlikely that I will be able to fall back asleep after that nightmare. Whenever they hit, if I try to go back to sleep, I typically end up right back in the middle of it again. I learned years ago it was better to just stay awake than try to fight it and go back to sleep. It’s funny, I can’t recall a time in my life when nightmares weren’t an issue. Maybe when I was really little… it’s hard to remember when they started but I know they were there even before he came along. After him, the nightmares were there, only now nightmares fall into one of two categories: before or after him.This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.

I’m nervous about tonight but I’m also confident in my ability to fit in. I went to the library earlier this week after Bridget confirmed that Mr. Parker had decided to move forward with our arrangement. I googled him and as he mentioned I would, I found many business articles written about him and PFS. I was floored when I learned that he is considered New York’s most eligible bachelor and even more so when I learned that he was also a billionaire, despite being only a few years older than me. I knew he had money; I doubted many people could afford Bridget’s prices but I had no idea he had that much money. The business articles written about him were all very complimentary and from what I read, everything about his business seems legit.

In addition to the links to hundreds of business articles, I found nearly as many links to tabloids that had written stories about Mr. Parker. Nearly every article tried to connect his business life with his personal life. A few speculated that if he continues to be unable to maintain a relationship with a woman his company will likely go under in the near future. Despite reading all of the articles, I still can’t figure out how the reporters are making the connection between his dating life and his business decisions.

What I did find interesting is that up until two years there weren’t any negative tabloid stories published about Mr. Parker. He was pictured in several articles with a beautiful blond on his arm; some referenced the woman as his girlfriend while others called her his fiancee. Then she is no longer in pictures with Mr. Parker and that’s when the negativity started.

My phone dings, alerting me to a message. I’ve set alerts on my phone when something new is written about Mr. Parker. I don’t want to get caught off guard if something big happens that I should know about. So far in the last few days nothing has been published other than a business article highlighting a deal he recently closed on. Today’s link sends me to a tabloid site that I’ve come to think is the one out to destroy Mr. Parker or PFS, based upon the crap that they write.

“Who will Mr. Parker bring to the gala tonight? Another nameless woman who will leave him after tonight? Or will he attend the event solo, yet again? What is Mr. Parker hiding and how is it related to PFS?”

Although I’ve only met Mr. Parker twice now, it doesn’t really seem like he is trying to hide something. Since I’m not exactly a detective I guess he could be and I wouldn’t know. Everything I read online about Mr. Parker and PFS plus the information that Bridget provided me, suggest that there is nothing illegal occurring.

As the day progresses, I find myself growing more and more nervous about the gala tonight. After reading everything I could about Mr. Parker and PFS, I researched tonight’s event. I didn’t want to show up and have no idea what the gala was raising money for. I learned that New Beginnings is an agency that focuses on bringing quality prenatal services to women in low income neighborhoods. Unlike many programs, they continue providing services until the child begins attending school. New Beginnings provides home visits, nutrition care, post-partum screening for the mother and ensure that the child sees a pediatrician regularly.

I learn that Mr. Parker’s parents have been hosting fundraising events for New Beginnings for the last ten years when it was started. Tonight’s event is an annual fundraiser that typically raises more than a quarter of a million dollars for the charity. I also read that there will probably be roughly 200 guests in attendance tonight, everyone from politicians to successful business men who will make large donations to support New Beginnings.