shuhaige
68
One boy, Jimmy Davis from down the street, had seen me with my shirt off. We’d been an item for a couple weeks and ended up making out in the backseat of his car behind the Wawa. This was pre-purity ring, but I already had the intention. Still, kissing was OK and maybe a couple other things if I was careful.
Jimmy got my shirt off and I was really super excited for what would come next. Then he looked at my little boobs like they were a turd-flavored cheesecake: something that was supposed to be awesome, somehow turned terrible. Suffice to say, Jimmy and I stopped being an item after that. Believe me, it was mutual.
All of this is the long way around of saying that no boy had ever seen my naked you-know-what. Even my gynecologist was a woman. And the first man to see it was going to be my brother. I went from kind of out of it to very focused in about a half a second. As if I wasn’t already feeling trapped in my bed.
Gavin pulled my shorts down with ease. Not surprising — I don’t have hips or a butt either. Now I was completely naked in front of my brother. A thick bush of blonde, curly hair was the only thing between his eyes and my bare down there. I was actually very hairy. I guess I figured if I wasn’t intending on using my vagina, I didn’t need to do much about it, either. Now that I was so exposed, though, I regretted not taking a razor to at least some of the outlying areas.
“Cassidy,” Gavin said, and his voice came out all choked and throaty. He was holding up the panties. I nodded. Gavin slipped them up my legs. I lifted my little butt to let him finish the job. Then he did my shorts. Finally, I sat up and raised my arms so my brother could put my shirt on for me. He was very chaste, very respectful, but it still felt so dirty and wrong.
“Thanks,” I said, meaning it.
“I know this sucks, but I’ll do whatever I can to help,” he said. He voice sounded throttled but his words were sincere.
“You better,” I said, “since you’re the one who tried to kiss me.”
“I didn’t try to kiss you!” Gavin shouted. He stormed out of my bedroom and slammed the door.
*
The reality rushed back into me as soon as I woke up the next morning. My wrist was in a cast because I’d broken it because I’d fallen off the bed because… Well because I had.Content © provided by NôvelDrama.Org.
I got up, started to watch a video on my phone, then put it down again. Usually I’d have a slow morning and laze in bed. But I was feeling icky, my covers felt heavy and gross, and knew I needed a shower.
I went across the hall to the bathroom. I could hear my brother downstairs in the kitchen, but I didn’t want to bother him. I needed to start doing things for myself. I got undressed, turned on the shower and realized I had another problem. So much for my burgeoning independence.
I opened the door to the bathroom and yelled for Gavin
“Almost done making you breakfast,” he said.
“I need help,” I said. My brother lumbered upstairs and opened the bathroom door. I was naked again, stupid me, and Gavin kept eyeing all the parts he wasn’t supposed to. My tiny breasts and hairy sex. “Sorry,” I said. I crossed my legs and folded my arms over my chest. I didn’t feel like a sexy creature. Just a creature.
“It’s fine. You’re my sister. It’s not a big deal,” Gavin said, his voice trembling again, “I’ll cover your cast.” He came back with a roll of saran wrap and ran it around my covered forearm, securing the plastic with a bunch of rubber bands. Once I was waterproofed, Gavin fled from the bathroom.
I stepped under the hot water. It felt weird to have my cast-covered arm in there, but the relief from the rest of my body made up for it. I shampooed and soaped as best I could. It was clumsy, but I did OK. I had one thing left to do.
And that’s when I stopped
See, there’s one thing I haven’t told you about myself: I masturbate. OK, I know, big revelation. Massive, twenty-four-point, full masthead headline in the Inquirer: Teenaged Girl Pleasures Self. Also, I breathe oxygen and require nutrients. I’m full of surprises.
But here’s the thing. I do it, like, a lot. Too much, probably. Like it was something I was legit worried about at the time. Though that hadn’t stopped me from flicking the bean at least three times a day and sometimes way more.
I couldn’t escape my uncontrollable urges. I know it’s ‘wrong,’ but I figured, given the choice, God would rather me simulate the experience of sex than go out and actually have some. So, in that way, I was doing Him a favor. Right?
I had a whole routine. Wake up, rub one out. Then another in the afternoon followed by one more before bed. I had good days and bad — I hit a sixer one particularly troubling time — but mostly it was two or three times a day.
That morning in the shower would have been one of my times. And I would have done it the night before, too. In fact, what I didn’t say before was, when Gavin came into my room and told me about his breakup? That’s what I had been doing. In fact, I’d worked myself into a pretty good lather when he knocked on the door and…
So, I was pretty worked up is what I’m saying. And my body was expecting its usual dopamine rush. I touched myself with my left hand — an exploratory feel. My vagina jumped like it was plugged in. I couldn’t remember ever being so sensitive. So aroused. But I could tell that my useless left hand wasn’t going to get me there. I rubbed my legs together, took a deep breath, and made myself turn off the shower.
I was supposed to wear the cast for at least eight weeks. There was no way I would last that long. I was going to need to find an alternative option. I didn’t own any, you know, toys or anything like that. I started to formulate a plan to steal a zucchini from the fridge when my brother wasn’t looking. But of course, that would also require me requesting he purchase one at the Genuardi’s and I wasn’t sure how I could explain that to him
No, my aching need was going to have to be a problem for another time. I wrapped myself in a towel and left the bathroom. As I went, I twisted my purity ring around my finger, like reminding myself of the rules.
I got dressed and went downstairs. My brother had made pancakes and he put them out for me as soon as I sat down. He kept eyeing me as he did it, like he could still see what was under my clothes.
It’s weird, but I was kind of flattered? I’m cute, I guess, in a girl-next-door kind of way. Boys ask me out and stuff — I’m not a troll. But I wasn’t used to being seen in a sexy way and that’s a very different experience. Sure, Gavin was my brother. But he was cute. An attractive guy was checking me out, and like I said I was already pretty worked up, so it turned everything up a notch. Sibling issues aside.
After breakfast, I FaceTimed my parents and gave them the bad news. As I expected, they offered to come home. I could tell they didn’t want to do it, though, and I convinced them that Gavin had it under control.