shuhaige
Chapter 8 (Killer)
Chapter 8 (Killer)
Dear Beauty
I think I lost the number of times I have sat on this very mountain, with this very book, and pen writing
to you. It's been months since I've seen you.
I admit for a while I was angry, hurting, I felt as if you betrayed me. Part of me still does. At least now I
know why.
A few weeks after you left I didn't see an end to this hell I was in without you. The club was divided.
Some wanted you dead, others wanted you safe. But time does heal.
At first, I couldn't breathe without a thought of you. My hate and anger were all focused on you in the
day and my nights were spent mourning you, hoping you would come back.
Our new president River and Killer finally stepped forward and told us the truth of why you did what you
did, they also told us about the deal your cousin made with us.
Why they didn't tell us sooner I wonder.
Falon tried to rekindle our relationship once I explained to her about you and I. But then I was adamant
that I was a taken man, even if you did betray me.
I guess my wounds were still fresh. And well I guess one can't rekindle something that wasn't really
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Before you she was what I knew, but the day I met you, you were more than just knowing, you showed
me feelings. You brought out things in me that I left buried deep inside. I convinced myself that you
were mine.
It took me leaving my family behind to see what you were always trying to tell me.
You were never mine. We were on borrowed time. You always knew that he'd find you.
Guess you always knew because of those chains you said that bind you to him.
You once said that who you were wasn't important but it became the most important part of why you
left.
He was your past, and I guess he became your future too.
Once I figured that out, I stopped questioning things, asking myself if you were here, how would I
change things. If I could make it all be okay.
Truth is, there is never going to be an okay. Our story was dying before it even began. Even if I wanted
to fight, it would be a losing battle, you said so yourself.
My brother Thorn is set on revenge, he wants you dead and I am sure wherever you are the feeling is
mutual.
Why? I don't know. Don't care.
You see before I left my club and my brothers and the women behind I made a promise like all of them,
a promise to find you and protect you and that is what I would do.
Today I found out that soon I will be making my way back home, with another medal of honor for
serving my country that I would put in a box and forget about.
I am also returning home with a clear conscience. And finally letting my feelings for you go. I'm going to
move on with my life.
Time is a continuous reminder of life. When I was younger It was a reminder to live life. When I got
older I found out that life could be lived in different ways. And I am choosing to live mine without you
playing a front row to it.
We will find you Amariya, and you would be apart of us. You are apart of us, and like all the women in
our club, I will protect you as I would them. Until I have to protect my brother from you.
I hope you read this before you see me because I don't want you to be shocked when you see that I
have moved on with my life.
I met someone before I got stationed, she is really something. A good woman who helped me get
through losing you.
She is mine now, and I will be claiming her as soon as I get back. I also don't want to leave Kanla and I
don't want you to either.
I know Killer, Storm, and the others are apart of you. And so am I. You have always been a strong
woman, if anybody deserves happiness it is you. But that happiness just can't be with me.
I am hoping when you read this you would understand why I had to let you go. Why I can't be yours.
You will always be my beauty and a beast that wasn't meant for beauty.
Zero
I read the letter that arrived on my bed this morning. Every word is his own fuck up. I don't need
emotion to know facts.
The brother was actually letting her go. It didn't bother me one fucking bit, nothing ever did really.
I was born to be a shell, a born sniper. It's in my blood, a part of me.
I don't feel like others do, never did.
Since Beggar I have realized I do feel something but it isn't normal, nothing ever is, it is a strong deadly
need to protect, maybe it is my idea of love, I am not sure.
If someone dies I won't cry. Growing up I could break my hand, fall off a tree, watch a person get
knocked and feel nothing.
When my grandma died I was the only one who just stood there dried eyed.
My dad asked me to give a speech, I did. I told them that we are all born with a timeline, just like the
bread we eat and the milk we drink.
That if we don't use all of ourselves up before death it is as shameless as wasting a mostly full bottle of
milk when it could have been used for so much more than just drinking.
My grandma used up most of herself, from my parents love story that started with my father's affairs.
My mothers accidental murder when she knocked a drunken man, to her obsession with Marcus Bray
and their only daughter, my sweet Kylie, then my Uncle and his scam artist wife who sold her child for
money and eventually was murdered.
My Grandma was there making sure her kids were fine.
She traveled the world, seen and done things that she probably regretted.
Unlike me, I feel my life only ever had one purpose, to fight for my country, fight for my family, and fight
for my Club.
And maybe one day I would be ready to trap a woman and get a wife who was happy with that, have a
kid so my mother would happy. She once said if I had a kid she'd be happy, never seen her happy with
me beside the day I got my first medal of honor and even then she had tears in her eyes.